Saturday, March 06, 2010

Book Review: Fresh Disaster by Stuart Woods

First off, I'm pretty certain the author hates women and has sadomasachistic tendencies, even if he doesn't act upon them personally, instead using his books to live out his fantasies. The book was a really disappointing read and I will definitely not be picking up another one of this author's books. I think I got the recommendation after reading a blurb in Entertainment Weekly. I should have stopped reading, but I kept hoping it would get better.

One of the dumbest books I've read all the way through. I'm not sure who the audience is for books like this, but I certainly hated it and can't believe this author has published as many books as he has.

So, let me break it down for you.

Stone Barrington is a lawyer-type guy. Former NYPD detective, he knows guys who can break bones if he asks them to. He eats out constantly in the same places. And he's surrounded by women. He owns more than one residence, a private jet and a bulletproof car. He's rich except that he's not.

Story A - he's forced to take on a case where of a loser who wants to sue a mob boss whose goons beat him up after he failed to pay is 24k gambling dept to one of the boss' bookies. In the process of serving the guy, Stone gets thrown through a door himself.

Story B - he hires a masseuse because of his injuries. Ends up sleeping with her and seeming to have a relationship with her. Turns out she has an abusive ex-boyfriend. Stone is run down as a result, but the ex has a solid alibi. As a result, he ends up in the hospital. Where he meets a doctor who treats him and he gives her his buisness card.

Story C - the mafia boss' lawyer is a jerk, so Stone humiliates him by publishing photos of the lawyer with his girlfriend performing sex acts on the balcony of their love nest. (Which he learns about from the masseuse who knows the lawyer's girlfriend-on-the-side.) and has an apartment near the lovenest. And so the lawyer's wife hires Stone for the divorce proceedings.

So he knows that things are getting more dangerous for the masseuse because he pushed the ex. So he stashes her out of the area in his house. When he gets a call from a police officer in the town where he's stashed her, he knows that it's not good. The doctor-lady insists on tagging along, so you the reader know that the masseuse must be dead, that the author is done writing about her body and the sexual acts she performs for Stone. Yep. Decapitated and the head's missing.

They go back home and don't sleep together. But eventually do. Well, except they don't sleep. Anyhow... he also sleeps with the assistant district attorney that he's working with on the mafia story. Once or twice. He's her booty call.

Oh, and then to entrap the ex, they introduce a new character near the end of the book, a tall blonde detective. Within two pages, she's raped by the ex while Stone's at dinner with the lady doctor, her friend (who it turns out was also raped by the ex but never said anything) and another detective.

In the end, the guy who wanted to sue the mafia boss kills the mafia boss himself, the ex goes to jail, the ex turns out to have a psychopathic brother who tried to run down Stone and who decapped the masseuse and the lawyer's wife reconciles with the lawyer and then discovers he's not just sold the love nest, but bought a new one, unreconciles and Stone walks away with 3 million in contingencies fees as a result of the divorce proceedings. Oh, and Stone had (actually, make that "received") a lot of sex and a lot of people died.

Horrible book.