Encourage Your Kids

I was part of a podcast yesterday and one of the hosts told a story of when they were a child they really wanted to be a radio DJ. Their mom told them that because of their stutter, they'd never be a DJ.

Reminded me of a time when I had wanted to be a drummer and my mom told me I lacked the rhythm.  I probably think of this at least once a year, decades later.

Our moms would probably be mortified if they knew that they had said this or that it had stuck with us our entire lives. 

As a result, I've tried to avoid ever telling my children they lack something necessary to follow their dreams. Instead, I've tried to support, encourage, provide space and materials for whatever they've wanted to explore. 

Some things don't pan out. Sometimes they're down on themselves for something they've attempted and failed at. When this happens, I try to encourage them to see if there's anything they can learn from it, and if it's something they really do want to do. Because if it is, they need to persevere. Practice makes perfect, some things come easy to some people, but other people have to work at it. 

But I'm never going to say that my children can't do something they set their mind to. If it's dangerous or illegal or expensive, we might have to chat about the wisdom of something or its impact on other people or their unincarcerated future or how they're going to fund such a venture. But my kids are never going to hear they're not good enough to attempt something they are excited about.

Please, people, be careful with the words you use, you never know how long they will bounce around in someone else's head.

Feed Sift (06/26/2015)

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ENGADGET.COM -- Anti-graffiti device nabs taggers by sniffing their fumes

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CHANGE.ORG -- Update: Kraft is removing artificial food dyes in all Macaroni & Cheese products because of your help!

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HUFFINGTONPOST.COM -- 10 Ways to Salvage a Bad Morning Before Parting Ways

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BASICINSTRUCTIONS.NET -- How to Remain Optimistic

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SETHGODIN.TYPEPAD.COM -- Toasted

The gates have been breached

Since Rachel was able to walk, gates have been a part of our lives. There may have been a brief period without them before Ben was born, but I can't recall. We own quite a few of them.

Ben's autism deprives him off a sense of his own safety which means we really have to be careful with what he has access to - lots of doors and cabinets with locks on them, and until recently, gates as a way to limit access to an area (or keep him in an area).

Over the last few days he's realized that he can just throw a leg up and then hop right over. He's been seeing us do it for years so I guess he finally decided he ought to try it.

So, back to the drawing board - move more stuff out of the kitchen, more locks on drawers and cabinets and maybe some solartubes ($$) to lighten up the hallway which is deathly dreary with all the doors shut and locked.

Yes and No (Life with #Autism)

We've been observing more spoken language with Ben. It's a really slow progress, and I think we can consider "no" crossed off the list - he'll use it to announce displeasure, defiance and sometimes to answer questions in the negative.

But "yes" (and "yeah") are newer. At night when getting him ready for bed I'll use iPrompts Pro to offer him the choice of crib or bed and Verbal Me Free for yes/no questions like "Do you want guys (stuff animals) in bed with you?" and then "Do you want your monkey/puppy/Mickey/etc."  He'll usually press yes or no. Not always with care and sometimes just a swipe at the screen but if I guide his hand, he'll indicate what he wants.

Today there were two instances where he answered me affirmatively verbally. I can't remember one of them, but the other was pretty cool: I had offered him a pair of gray socks and a pair of blue socks. He took the gray pair and I confirmed "Ok, gray socks." As I went to put the blue ones away he said "Other" and I said, "Oh, you want the blue socks" and he responded "yeah."

It may not seem like much if you're parenting a typically-developing child, but for Ben, this is a huge step and exciting for us.

Book Review -- Speechless: Finding God's Grace in my Son's Autism

Speechless: Finding God's Grace in my Son's Autism by Sandra Peoples

To glance at the reviews, I'm in the minority, but I would probably only give it 1 or 2 stars.

The first premise you must accept when you read this book is that there are two very distinct kinds of autism. I'm not saying I don't, in fact it makes a lot of sense. Well, frankly, there's actually a wide range and that's why it's called a spectrum, so please forgive me if I simplify slightly to begin.

The first kind: exhibited as developmental delays from the start. Often diagnosed first as PDD-NOS and later Autism or a similar diagnosis. This is what Ben has.

The second kind: the child begins life seemingly typical and then at a certain point, takes a turn for the worse. You see a regression in development or mental ability. There's some argument about whether these are truly cases of Autism or some other condition altogether, such as Landau-Kleffner Syndrome, a disease often misdiagnosed as Autism. Children who suffer in this way (regardless of what you call it) often lose the ability to communicate verbally but respond well to medication and treatment and many regain lost skills. This type of scenario often leads parents to blame vaccinations for their child's autism. In cases like these, a change in diet can greatly improve if not "cure autism." This is where those "Defeat Autism Now (DAN)" doctors come in. (This is where crazy Jenny McCarthy lives, if her child even has autism.)

So the child in the book has this second kind. He has trouble with bowel movements, and a change in diet makes all the difference. And within a year, the child has rebounded. So this book is short - both in the time covered and in its size.

In it, the mom fights with doctor after doctor until she finds one that will believe her child is indeed suffering. She works on their family's diet and the family goes through the adjustments to living with a child with autism. But after one short year, it's almost as if the book has a happy ending. But families with children who have a lifelong disability (some children, diet or no, do "catch up" and lead fairly typical lives) don't have a "happily ever after" to look forward to.

The book does talk about some good things people face: the different pace at which family members come to grips (if they ever do) with what you're going through, the alienation and disappointment when you're left out of things, the strain it puts on the family and how other siblings are often short-changed. And there's also validity to making changes - we know for certain that Red 40 has a big impact on both of our children and we've cut out nearly all dyes from our children's diets (and we're being more conscious ourselves).

And an absolutely salient point: the biggest fear in the life of a special-needs parent is their own mortality. If this life, little as it is now, is going to need care for the rest of their life, what will happen to them when they die? They were looking at their son's brother, age 6, and thinking about how their little boy would someday be his responsibility.

So while the author does explore a number of topics, I felt it was too brief, too neat, and in some ways, offers the wrong kind of hope to others who might find themselves in similar situations.

Not that we shouldn't provide hope, but that we should also be real: for whatever reason, God has chosen to place a child in our lives who does not see or experience the world in the same way that most of us do. And that means, in our case, they can't comprehend threats to their own safety, they don't engage with others in the same way, and unfortunately, there are plenty of people out there who will judge, exclude, ridicule and just generally not bother to become informed or stay in our lives because it's too much work. Because it is work. But our child is still a blessing.

But it's a challenge day in and day out. We've had valleys in our life and we've learned to trust in God because we've seen the other side, we've seen the mountain tops. But here's a case where it's like a valley with what feels like a much lower likelihood that a mountain (as we've experienced them before) is the natural destination.


Speechless: Finding God's Grace in My Son's Autism (Amazon.com)

Book Review: Understanding Your Child's Sensory Signals

Understanding Your Child's Sensory Signals: A Practical Daily Use Handbook for Parents and Teachers by Angie Voss

I bought this book for Lori for Christmas off her wish list. It's part of the Amazon Matchbook so I was able to download it for the Kindle as well for free, that was kinda nice.

This is a pretty dense book that covers a lot of the behaviors you'll see in children (and adults) with Sensory Issues. For each, there's some information about why a particular issue or behavior and then some suggestions on ways to accommodate, address, divert or support a particular behavior. Sometimes the behavior is an emerging skill you want to encourage but other times, it's a behavior you want to curb. In some cases, the behavior may be embarrassing to you, but it's part of who they are and the author says to let them have it, and I really appreciated that.

I'm not sure the best way to use this book - possibly a reference guide for looking up specific behaviors or traits. Since I had it on the Kindle, I just read it through from cover-to-cover. Occasionally the author uses a term that seems specific to her. I don't want to say "invented" but it's not a common term. I found this out when I went to research it on Google and the top links were to her website. In some ways, I was surprised she didn't mention her website more, but that's probably better than the flipside of aggressively hawking you website. (If this were re-printed, I'd probably recommend adding the URL to the footer where it's unobtrusive, but handily standing by.)

I also discovered reading through it that a lot of the tactics are similar. I don't think that's a bad thing, but it's interesting to note. Also, not all are appropriate for all children. For some, your child will need to be verbal or understand the objectives. She describes one called "bubble mountain" which involves blowing into a pan of soapy water with a straw. Our child would probably try to drink the water. He hasn't mastered the straw, but he sees his sister using a straw to drink, so his first inclination would be to try to draw up the water, rather than blow slowly in the attempt to create an ever-growing mountain of bubbles.

One thing that really struck me was that she says you shouldn't do hand-over-hand that it isn't helpful and is possibly harmful but I didn't think her explanation was satisfying. Same with tickling - she was very much against it. But for us, it's something he enjoys and also the safest and most consistent way of distracting him when he's being angry and lashing out at us.

There was also a behavior or two we've seen in our child that was never addressed in the book. I would expect it's common (but rarely discussed amongst parents) but it never came up in this book.

All-in-all, it was a helpful look at all the different types of sensory issues our kiddos deal with and how lucky we are that our child is so willing to engage us and how there's so many typical sensory issues that our child doesn't suffer from. Also, it explained some quirks my wife and I wouldn't have otherwise noticed about ourselves and definitely some traits our daughter exhibits that we would have never guessed were sensory issues otherwise. It's probably a handy little guide to get and hang on to if you parent or teach or work with someone who has sensory issues.


Understanding Your Child's Sensory Signals: A Practical Daily Use Handbook for Parents and Teachers (Amazon.com)

Fighting Non-Compliance (A #Parenting-Related Post)

We regularly deal with opposition. That's what happens when you combine the legendary Parks stubbornness with the equally legendary Lamb stubbornness. So many things that should be easy become a battle.

We have a "Must Do" list. Getting everything done on a day nets 50 cents and the opportunity to do paid "May Dos" . Do it 7 days in a row and everything doubles in value, even the past days. I think our best is a 10 or 11 day streak.  Turns out money isn't the right incentive, even if there's a lot of stuff she wants. (Plus, why should she spend her money - shouldn't we buy it with our money?)

I have found a few tactics that do help, but I don't always think to use them consistently.

Small Wins

Every so often I'll ask for patently, nay, stupidly simple requests for assistance, typically in the form of a favor. Something that there's no way she can say no to, something that's not going to take her away from her task for very long. Earlier today I was in the laundry room loading the washing machine and I had closed the door to the upstairs. I realized it made it more difficult to hear Ben in his room, so I called up to her and asked her to open the door for me so I could hear Ben better. She did and it gave me an opportunity to thank her multiple times, when she did it, when I came back upstairs and then a few minutes later as if I had absentmindedly forgotten. She liked the praise and it helped me to ask for a bigger favor a little bit later (priming the pump, if you will).

Aborted (Fake) Requests

I started to ask for a second favor and then thought better of it. But I had already started to ask. So then when I thought better of it, I said "On second thought, never mind. I can take care of this myself." She thought she had gotten out of having to do something for me and if necessary, I could use that later.

Chunking

Sometimes she'll lock herself in her room and play and play and play. LEGOs, Littlest Pet Shop, coloring. We still haven't convinced her of the "If I put it away when I'm done with it, there's never anything to put away." So instead we're stuck with the Must Do "Put away 50 items" - pick up any 50 things in her room and put them where they belong. It doesn't keep her room clean, but it stems the tide. This morning I asked her to do 10, she did 12. I asked her to do another 10, and she did. Then I asked her to do the rest and she did, plus 18 extra.

Make it Easier

One of her responsibilities is taking down the laundry and sorting it into the bins under the washer and dryer. On weekends, depending on how much there is, I may just say that it's fine to sort it onto the floor or just dump it in one big pile for me to sort.

Give and Take

Sometimes, I might need to do something but I'm waiting for her to complete a step first. Say I want to run laundry but the laundry hasn't been taken down yet. In the past, I might have asked her to do it and it might lead to a battle where it doesn't get done at all or where it takes forever and no one's happy. I've come to learn that sometimes it's just easier and quicker to do it myself. If I end up doing it because she refuses, she doesn't get credit. But if I just do it (without asking) then she still gets credit and often I can use that to get some other concession out of her later.

Sometimes, Failure

Of course, there's still plenty of times where it doesn't work. We hit a brick wall. It doesn't get done, or we have to to it ourselves, or we have to negotiate, cajole, harass or force as the issue requires. Some things just must be done and they aren't things we can do ourselves. And that's never fun. But whenever I can remember these tactics above, I'm able to avoid some of that and get necessary things done with less unpleasantness.

Would love to hear your tactics in the comments below.

Tool Use (Life with #Autism)

So it only took who knows how many battles, but I finally have started seeing some success with getting Ben to try new foods and more importantly, use a utensil.

There's lots of good foods, but if it doesn't look recognizable to Ben, he won't eat it. Never mind if it's awesome like pizza or ice cream.

But recently we've been trying to get him to eat eggs. He will sometimes eat eggs, but we've been trying to get him to eat them with a fork because it's less messy. But he won't take the fork, he fights, resists, won't open his mouth. Even with the offer of bacon (BACON!) he won't do it.

The other night after everyone else left the kitchen, I finally got him to start eating egg. I thought it was the reduction in the number of people in the room. A few nights later, I was in the middle of fighting with him and I had a realization about what really probably was a working factor.

Can I Have Your Eyes? (A #Parenting Post)

With a crazy and chaotic household, sometimes the instinct is to yell from one room to another. But it's not always successful. Especially with our daughter - especially if we want her to do something. Like wash her hands for dinner. Or get ready for bed.

Sadly, her neurobehavioralist has had to give us the same advice several times because we'll use it for awhile and then forget. But he's encouraged us to make sure we "have her eyes." That is, she must be looking at us when we ask her to do something.

Part of it is psychological - if she's looking at us when we speak, it's harder for her to answer without actually listening to the words, it's more likely that an affirmative response is meant - that when she says "Ok" then she actually will get up and get her hands washed and come down for dinner.

And probably at the same time he's also reminding us of better behavior as a family. Because we don't just yell to Rachel from room-to-room, but each other as well. And she to us. But if you're yelling from another room, there's no guarantee that other person is in a position to listen, or isn't already in conversation with someone else in that room. Or on the phone.

So we've been trying to do more of it ourselves - going and finding the other person before speaking. 

But it's also worked wonders with Rachel who has had a tendency to yell from her room and then be frustrated when she doesn't get a response or is told that someone else was already talking. 

Instead of reprimanding (usually Rachel's yelling to Lori), I've been trying to remember to ask her "Do you have her eyes?" when she yells from another room. She may be a little frustrated at the response, but I think it's better than a yelled reprimand and we have seen an uptick in her coming to where she can see us and then raising her hand.

Hopefully this is the last time he has to remind us to make sure we have her eyes and now it just becomes an ingrained behavior that helps all of us.

Guest Post: Unforeseen Dangers (Life with #Autism)

From Lori's blog...

I'm blogging a lot about our children lately. I guess that's because they're a big part of my day, and my emotion is often driven by what's going on with them. Last night, I was upstairs when I heard the worst kind of shriek, followed by scared crying. If you're a parent, you probably (unfortunately) know that shriek - the "I hurt myself and it's still hurting, and I don't know what to do about it" panicky cry. I ran down the stairs... Read more...

Guest Post: Watching Ben in P.E. (Life with #Autism)

LAST PERSON BLOGGING -- I had a chance to sit in on Ben's P.E. class on Monday. The physical therapist leads the Monday class and gives assistance and directed tasks for the children to follow. She had assessed Ben in September and he qualified for the PT assistance, and she invited me to come visit to see how they do things. I was surprised by the roller coaster of emotions that I felt while I was there. Read more on my wife's blog...

Guest Post: Letting Go of Dreams (Life with #Autism)

LAST PERSON BLOGGING -- When we found out that Ben had significant delays in nearly every area of development, we went through a grieving process. We had to let go of a lot of our expectations and hopes and dreams for him. We realized that life for and with him would probably not look like what we had thought it would. Growing up and making friends, playing with other boys at recess, having conversations and other things as basic as those are the things that I dream and hope for Ben now. Continue on to my wife's blog...

Feed Sift

Five links I wanted to pass along.

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Oxford Dictionary adds “twerk,” “derp,” “selfie,” “phablet,” and more voguish vocabulary
I've heard the Oxford Dictionary described as a mainstream version of the Urban Dictionary. One wonders if maybe they're just a delayed version? (QZ.com)

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Scuff-Proof Shoes - How do you make scuff-proof shoes? This really isn't about shoes. (Seth Godin)

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Sense of Loss (Life with #Autism)

Rachel stood there crying uncontrollably. The pain was physical, but it was also emotional. As she sobbed, she kicked out at her brother. Repeatedly.

Kicking at him, but not kicking him.

Haltingly, through her tears, she gasped "I... want to... kick him... but I'm not."  Still, balancing on one foot, her other foot flew out wildly, just stopping short, all she had in her not to connect.

I'm stroking her hair, rubbing her back, hugging her, trying to console her, trying not to cry myself. If she had kicked him, I'd have a hard time punishing her. Lori's holding onto him and trying to get him to see her tears. It's unclear if he understands why she's crying or if he knows and doesn't care.

And now, what I deride as an overused plot device...

Ineffective Management (Parenting)

I've struggled from time-to-time with Rachel and chores. There are certain things that are her responsibility to do. But sometimes they're prerequisites to stuff we need to do. Case-in-point, I need her to take down and sort the dirty laundry before I can run a load of laundry. But sometimes she just can't get it into gear as early as I'd like. That's led to days of nagging, pushing, prodding and other behavior on my part that often did not result in the chore being completed, or it being done with lots of stomping, thumping (or throwing) of laundry baskets and resentment.

A new approach is needed because this interaction doesn't teach anything, doesn't instill any positive values, doesn't actually get willing compliance. In short, there's no redeeming value in it. So, yeah, a new approach is needed.

I could change the requirement to have a time constraint, but then that would just mean that if she didn't get it done by a certain time, she couldn't consider all her chores done for the day and then she couldn't get paid. So miss the deadline for that one and we'd see no other chores get done that day.

I could wait on doing laundry. But I'd rather not - it's an easy chore. Sometimes it's difficult getting any chores done, but I've found that if I start with the easy ones, it helps me to get into the groove of being productive.

So, what we have here is the need to compromise and I have two options that I'll work with:

(1) If it seems like she could get to it, I'll ask once and give her a little time to comply. If she does, excellent. If not, I'll do it and she won't get credit for the chore completed.

(2) If it's more that I'm ready to start running a load of laundry, then maybe it's just easiest for me to get the load down. I'll still give her credit for it.

The original goal was to get her involved in doing stuff to help around the house to save us time. On the weekends, it's not a lot of extra effort for me to do this. And certainly takes less time than repeatedly asking. And less frustrating than feeling ineffective because I asked for something to be done and not seeing results. (That's where the office is more fun - the people there are motivated by a common purpose and the paycheck. Rachel at this stage is not so concerned about either.)

This one's too small to note, but if I have to do all her work for her, then I don't have time to help her with the stuff she wants to do. I'll probably be years before she can actually appreciate this.

Why Husbands are Frustrating (Life with #Autism)

I tried posting this on MyAutismTeam.com tonight, but of course it was way too long. So posting it here. Hope it's helpful.

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One of the things I've observed on here (on MAT) is that the site is predominantly women and that there's a lot of (for lack of a better word) frustration with husbands. A friend with a newly diagnosed 2-year-old who describing her husband's response to me and it suddenly hit me: they are at different stages of grief. (And that turned into this really long post. I hope it's helpful.)

Drawing from Mars/Venus, us guys want to "fix it." We have a bias towards action. Give us a problem and we'll solve it.

Now, suddenly, we're faced with a problem we can't "solve." But this is what we do. On top of that, this is a loss. I don't know if Ben will ever talk, play sports (or video games) or outgrow diapers. While I love my son and who he is, I had a different thought in mind of what having a son would be like and all the stuff he and I would do.

So now, the one thing I'm good at - "fixing" is rendered useless, and I'm also mourning the loss of my child, in a way. Oh, and my wife is so busy taking care of our children that she doesn't have as much time and attention to lavish on me as I'd like, and maybe some of the things she did for our household aren't getting done anymore because she's worn out and tired. And so much money, so so so much money is going to co-pays for therapies and doctors and our portion of trips to the ER. And if that wasn't enough, no one's getting good sleep.

Without even thinking about it, you moms just suck-it-up and deal. It's an inherent part of who you are. Sink or swim - because if you don't, who will? You protect your cubs. Your whole world has changed. His has only partially changed which could even be more confusing.

So now you're left with a bewildered husband. The home is unpredictable, chaotic, loud and there's probably a neverending stack of stuff to be done. The children aren't always behaved and everything he knows about reward and punishment is thrown out the window by little people who interpret the world differently. His parents may have distanced themselves or may now be critical of you as parents. And we hear stories of what our friends with neurotypical children are experiencing and the competitive part of us has to keep quiet because life with an autistic child is something they won't understand.

The office, however, is predictable. You're respected, people do what you ask them to. It's quiet, it's orderly. There's a common goal in mind, there are rules, there are problems to solve, challenges to overcome.

Your husband is probably feeling out of place:

• a little confused about what to do
• working through the stages of grief
• thinking "I didn't sign up for this" 
• feeling unappreciated (whether it's legit or not - us guys can be fragile sometimes)
• and facing an unfixable problem. 

They don't mean to be uninvolved or unsupportive, they're just overwhelmed.

It may be time to invest in your husband. This is a new role -- they've not trained for it, and they haven't done all the research you have, and they don't have all the experience you have.

But try to figure out where they are at. (Truthfully, as a mama bear that protects the family, he's yours to protect as well. Of course, he's going to internalize this, so all you see is reservation, anger, withdrawal.)

I'd start with a technique called "couch time" - this is a time right after they get home from work where you both sit on the couch and talk. The little ones can't interrupt because your focus is only on each other. 5-10 minutes tops. Allows him to integrate into the home life, gives him an outlet, shows your children that mommy and daddy are on the same page and that they are a team. (A great time to discuss things that you need to be on the same page about.)

If they're grieving, let them talk it through. They need to go from denial (where our parents get stuck), anger (why, God?), bargaining, depression (where guys get stuck) to acceptance (congrats moms, you're there. You moved quickly because the world wasn't going to wait for you. So that's probably also a source of frustration, whether you realize it or not - your husband's had an opportunity to progress more slowly and may not yet be caught up with you.)

Once they get to acceptance, they can roll up their sleeves and look for ways to be involved, especially if there *are* things that can be fixed. Speaking of...

Find some things to fix. I don't mean "take out the trash" or "repaint the deck" (no nagging) but "I have a problem _____ and I need your help." Just that simple. You haven't told them what to do, but you've given them a chance to be successful. And then celebrate the solution - show your appreciation and show how it fits into the context of the family. This could be an actual task, or it could be something that allows him to assert his leadership as the traditional head-of-household figure. (I'm not being sexist here - give your husband a chance to step up and lead and he will rise to the occasion. If it's been awhile, it may need to be in small steps where he can regain his confidence.)

And the attention thing - that's huge. Guys will feel that there's no time for them. When you first got married, you had all the time in the world for each other - you were each other's worlds. We tend to hang on to stuff for a long time, we don't like change - that's why we keep old clothes and old music.

And with some our kiddos, it's even difficult finding babysitters. Find someone who you can train to watch your children (they come over and practice putting the children to bed while you read a book in another room).

Or have a date while the children are at school, or encourage him to go in to work late -- one of you runs out to McDonalds and picks up breakfast and then you have breakfast in bed before the kids wake up. (Or forget the breakfast part.)

Your husband made a commitment to you when he got married and then made a commitment to your family when the children came along. Most husbands would be surprised (and possibly a little hurt) if they were to come on here and learn you were frustrated with them.

Most of the husbands want to do better, to be better, they just need your guidance.

Good luck - it's your turn to "fix" it.

sleep

Our family has gotten poor sleep for so many nights now I've lost track.  It used to be that I could get by with 5.  Now, I need at least six.  Having gotten less than six for so many days now, I struggled yesterday and said if it wasn't any better that night (last night) then I'd be calling in sick today.  In the end, sleep was good last night and I went to work. Between the heat, a 2.8 mile run in the middle of the day and the previous bad sleep, I was dragging a bit by the end of the day and had to apologize for blinking my way through some 1:1's. I wasn't cranky and didn't feel argumentative, but I was still quite tired. Am quite tired.

Rachel's always had trouble with sleep - often preferring to stay up if she woke up, even if it was 11 or 12 at night. At first, she'd wake us and we'd have fights about her going back to bed. Eventually I'd just turn her light out and go back to bed and she'd turn it back on and play or read. Then she finally realized that if she didn't wake us, she could avoid all of that and by the time she was found out, it would typically be time to get up anyhow. Her trip to the ER was after a night of staying up playing instead of sleeping, though she blames the school's blind corner on the playground and not a increased reaction time due to sleepiness as the reason she collided with the other boy, breaking his tooth and getting a forehead full of stiches.

Ben's been seeming to have much trouble with sleep lately. He had been doing pretty well, to the point that we had transitioned him to his bed. Until that night in November when he stayed up all night playing and then collapsed the next day from sheer exhaustion, causing four seizures, a visit to two ERs, an ambulance ride and a new diagnosis. Thankfully we've been seizure-free since, but any time he's awake in the middle of the night, I forget all about the medication and simply am just stressed out to no end, deathly afraid it's going to cause another seizure.

So when the children can't sleep, I can't sleep. Sometimes I go downstairs and sleep on the couch, but often it takes me awhile to fall back asleep, needing to turn on music but it doesn't always drown out his shrieks of joy (I don't know what lying in a crib in near darkness can be found to be funny.)

So Ben was asleep by about 7:30, but less than 90 minutes later, he's awake again. I'm concerned we're in for a rough night.

Worth Repeating: Meg Jay @drmegjay

I know I normally have these on Saturdays (in fact they're scheduled out for quite a few upcoming Saturdays) but I just watched this one and thought it couldn't wait. If you're under the age of 29 or have a child under the age of 29, you need to watch this.

Video:


Why 30 is Not the New 20 - Clinical psychologist Meg Jay has a bold message for twentysomethings: Contrary to popular belief, your 20s are not a throwaway decade. In this provocative talk, Jay says that just because marriage, work and kids are happening later in life, doesn’t mean you can’t start planning now. She gives 3 pieces of advice for how twentysomethings can re-claim adulthood in the defining decade of their lives. More on TED.com...

Why I posted this - In under 15 minutes, Meg dispels so many misconceptions that are detrimental to people in their 20s.

Haircuts (Life with #Autism)

Haircut - success!
Potty - success!
Bath - success!

Children crave continuity and consistency (or repetition - why they love watching the same shows over and over again) and my experience with Ben is that this is definitely heightened.

I think since the earliest days, we've taken Ben to the same place his sister and mom get their hair cut.  Geri is patient, kind and works hard to give him a great looking haircut, no matter how much he may resist the process.

I wasn't present for the earliest of the haircuts, but eventually it became my responsibility.  There was a scheduling conflict and then there was convenience and then the realization that sometimes he'll cry less for dad than he will for mom.  Probably only because dad doesn't have all those motherly hormones.  (That is, dad is mean and not as swayed by the crying.)

But so early on, it became my job to handle getting Ben's hair cut.  That meant holding him on my lap.  I remember being coated with hair and in one case, them letting me use their storage room to change his diaper and his clothes because he wasn't willing to be under the cape and he was just covered.

There was lots of wriggling, screaming, repositioning, bribing with food and drink and toys and one very, very patient stylist who has been an utter saint.  And blood.

Worth Repeating: Colin Stokes @stokescolin

When Colin Stokes’ 3-year-old son caught a glimpse of Star Wars, he was instantly obsessed. But what messages did he absorb from the sci-fi classic? Stokes asks for more movies that send positive messages to boys: that cooperation is heroic, and respecting women is as manly as defeating the villain. More at TED.com >>>