Saturday, March 03, 2007

This Is Progress?

One day in 2000, I wanted donut holes. It was one of those weird "project days" -- you know the kind, you're walking around, talking to people, going to meetings. Not a sit - at - your - desk - and - stare - at - your - screen - for - hours kind of day. And I wanted some poppers. So I go to my computer, punch in my location, my credit card and within 45 minutes, there's a call from the front desk that I have an order waiting for me. And yet today, in 2007, this isn't possible.

I'm just saying...

Stupid dot com bubble.

In other news, my new phone isn't here yet. It started in Maryland and has since arrived in and left Indianapolis. Which means it's not going to arrive today, it's going to arrive on Monday or Tuesday. Which means Lori will be the one to receive the package from the FedEx guy. Not that I think they're turned on, but I thought it would be really awesome to call the phone from the house while the guy's coming up the steps, just in case they are turned on. So it would be kind of like The Matrix.

Stupid Fed Ex. Stupid Wirefly. Stupid Amazon. Stupid Cingular. Stupid everyone - involved - with - the - second - and - third - Matrix - movies.

P.S. Honestly, not as grumpy as this post makes it seem. Just a little bit tired and cold and hungry and without my new toy.

9 comments:

Unknown said...

So, just so we're all on the same page, you believe that the ability to order donut holes online is "progress"? You are aware that wherever you were in LA County in 2000, you were no less than 10 minutes from a donut shop?

I am, however, with you on the Matrix movie digs, though I'd include the first one as well.

James said...

I'm sorry... what are you suggesting? That I would walk or drive there on my own? That was precisely what I didn't want to do. I wanted to go online, give my credit card and pay for the luxury of having someone else bring them right to me.

Same reason I order my computers from Dell, my cell phones from Amazon (as of 10:35, they've arrived in Seattle) and just about everything else I can online. I hope to eventually order a car online.

If you are classifying The Matrix with the two sequels, then you are exactly not with me, my friend.

James said...

Oh, and groceries. Stupid Louis Border and WebVan ruining Home Grocer. Now we have to buy our groceries from the grocery store. Right now we don't order them online (they don't take coupons and the produce isn't guaranteed to be great).

Unknown said...

The ability to buy anything and everything while seated firmly on one's posterior might be somebody's definition of progress, but it isn't mine. It is more accurately a regression to the days when a king, czar, or ceaser would sit pirched on his throne barking commands to his subjects/slaves, exuding corpulence and unearned authority.
At the very least, one is supposed to put forth minimal effort towards attaining a goal, even if that goal is a batch of donut holes.

Can you be the only person on the planet without any Dell horror stories? Mac lover that I am, I have never had cause to deal with Dell, but many of my PC pals feel about Dell the way you do about Sprint.

And the people involved with the 2nd and 3rd Matrix films were equally involved with the 1st one. Realizing, of course, my personal bias against all things Keanu, and that because of that bias my opinion will in no way sway you, I won't ramble on about what a mythologically garbled piece of dung the first film was. I won't point out that even from a base-level philosophical perspective, "Howard the Duck" was a more thought provoking piece of cinema. I won't even point out that it was an over-hyped retelling of "Alice in Wonderland" absent the nuance, and with a pleather wearing Keanu as Alice.

P.S. Honestly, I'm not grumpy either, I'm just dreading all the papers I must now grade.

James said...

I don't know, perhaps it's your life of leisure.

Frankly, who has the time? I have much better things to do with my time than travel to and from the stores, and shop. Except Home Depot.

I really want an electric car because I'm constantly finding the car out of gas and no time to fill the tank.

I have not had a problem with Dell. I've seen one die a spectacular death wit lots of black smoke, but I know it had a warranty.

The brilliance of the first Matrix was that it was the perfect vehicle for Keaneu's (sp?) blank stare and trademark "Woah." And deep enough for us to say "Woah." as well, to finally understand the blank stare.

Unknown said...

Well not to beat a dead horse (though if the offer was made I'd gladly smack the crap out of Keanu), but "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" was the perfect vehicle for the King of "Whoa".

KEVIN МАРУСЕК said...

The ability to buy anything and everything while seated firmly on one's posterior might be somebody's definition of progress, but it isn't mine. It is more accurately a regression to the days when a king, czar, or ceaser would sit pirched on his throne barking commands to his subjects/slaves, exuding corpulence and unearned authority.
At the very least, one is supposed to put forth minimal effort towards attaining a goal, even if that goal is a batch of donut holes.

Can you be the only person on the planet without any Dell horror stories? Mac lover that I am, I have never had cause to deal with Dell, but many of my PC pals feel about Dell the way you do about Sprint.

And the people involved with the 2nd and 3rd Matrix films were equally involved with the 1st one. Realizing, of course, my personal bias against all things Keanu, and that because of that bias my opinion will in no way sway you, I won't ramble on about what a mythologically garbled piece of dung the first film was. I won't point out that even from a base-level philosophical perspective, "Howard the Duck" was a more thought provoking piece of cinema. I won't even point out that it was an over-hyped retelling of "Alice in Wonderland" absent the nuance, and with a pleather wearing Keanu as Alice.

P.S. Honestly, I'm not grumpy either, I'm just dreading all the papers I must now grade.

James said...

Oh, and groceries. Stupid Louis Border and WebVan ruining Home Grocer. Now we have to buy our groceries from the grocery store. Right now we don't order them online (they don't take coupons and the produce isn't guaranteed to be great).

James said...

I don't know, perhaps it's your life of leisure.

Frankly, who has the time? I have much better things to do with my time than travel to and from the stores, and shop. Except Home Depot.

I really want an electric car because I'm constantly finding the car out of gas and no time to fill the tank.

I have not had a problem with Dell. I've seen one die a spectacular death wit lots of black smoke, but I know it had a warranty.

The brilliance of the first Matrix was that it was the perfect vehicle for Keaneu's (sp?) blank stare and trademark "Woah." And deep enough for us to say "Woah." as well, to finally understand the blank stare.