Old Notes: Fixation on Death

captured to my phone on Sunday, June 25, 2017 at 11:15 am (finally posted to my blog on Sept. 2018)

Notes from the sermon. Just taking notes, summarizing, a little commentary, no re-writing or polishing.

A "good death"

- peaceful, in your sleep

- with no loose ends

Do we have a fixation with death in the U.S.? Lots of TV shows about solving crimes, plus the news. And yet we work pretty hard to avoid death (and things that represent or make us think of death or remind us of our own mortality.)

We sequester death. We pursue stuff that makes us think of life + shiny stuff, new stuff, the latest stuff. If we're not careful, we can turn that pursuit into its own gospel: avoiding sin, suffering, despair, pain if we just do the right thing.

And then we start working to protect what we have and keep others at bay. The have-nots, the sufferers, the sinful are to be avoided because they are reminders of what we could become. 

But Jesus, unafraid fo death, goes where we won't, says what we won't say, loves people we avoid. In fact, not only isn't he afraid of death, he chooses it.

Reading the Bible as Western Americans... We read "sin" as "wrong personal choice" and yet that's far too limiting. If it was just choice, that's way too easy.  But it's much deeper - so deep that we must die, we must change everything. (Geeky - We need a whole new operating system?)

Family Man - Nicholas Cage - you can't possess your identity, you can only receive it. 

Jesus recieves his identity from God, spending his life revealing God. 

We no longer have to fear death, but it is a wholesale change, a new identity, a new reality, a new way of living in the world. Success and possession are no longer motivators because we are to dead to that process, to move to receiving and relying on God. 

Now that we don't have to be afraid any more, we can be on mission. Now that what we have is a gift from God, there's no fear in giving it away. None of us are good enough, smart enough, rich enough to escape death. 

So what should we do with what we are given? (And we're not just talking about stuff now.)

Of course, it doesn't mean we can now expect a life free of pain. It doesn't mean we stop planning for the future (we still live in a world which requires house payments). It doesn't mean we are all the same - diversity and variety is clearly part of this world.  It doesn't mean we will never sin again. It doesn't mean that we don't struggle daily to try to cling to our old life. 

We keep reading the Bible through our Western individualist mindset, but we need to remember that we are all interconnected. We admit sin together, we mourn together, we suffer together, we lift each other up, we celebrate together.

We (Christians) should be putting therapists out of business because we should be, in community, lifting each other up, supporting each other, loving each other, serving together.  

Drive-by

Before we moved back to L.A., we decided we'd just go to the church we had attended before we moved to Seattle a decade ago. I had worked there, we had friends who still attended. And, watching a video on their website, we saw that they had just completed a major overhaul of their children's building, including a sensory room for special needs children. That was exciting - Ben had attended the same church with us in Seattle from his birth and they grew with us, experienced his diagnosis with us, ultimately creating a special classroom for him and a few other special needs children. Well, not just a classroom, but a ministry, recruiting and training volunteers who just really loved our little guy and gave him a safe and enjoyable place to be since the church service wasn't appropriate (too loud for his sensory processing issues), the age-relevant class wasn't appropriate (with the expectations of orderly quiet behavior and learning) and the nursery wasn't appropriate (he was getting larger than the other children and their unpredictability and outbursts didn't help - probably the final straw was when a little girl got right in his face and screamed - he reacted poorly and I'm not exactly what transpired but the little girl cried and wouldn't you know it, her grandma was the volunteer in the nursery that day). So, finding a church that could welcome Ben with open arms was probably one of the bigger stressors for me when we committed to this move and the "are we doing the right thing?" worry would float into mind again.

At the point we were leaving 10 years ago, it was a struggle for the church - the Senior Pastor had clashed with the Elders one time too many and either decided to leave or was asked to leave. Some other great people had departed just before or just after him. There had been some great temporary pastors in the pulpit and just as we were leaving, one was being considered. Ten years later, he was still there, so when it was difficult to attend our local church in person, we started streaming this church instead of our typical standby (Saddleback). A week after we arrived, all of the children Rachel's age would be going to camp, so we registered her.

On our first Sunday back, we all got in the car, drove to the parking garage near the church, boarded the shuttle and rode to the church. We met a greeter who led us around, helped us get our children signed up and took us up to Ben's class. I briefly had a chance to say hi to another Pastor/coworker who was still there who remembered me and we got to chat briefly before I had to run to catch up with my family. At the room where we were to drop-off Ben, they seemed to hurry us through the process and so we figured they just had it handled, so we didn't get a chance to explain anything about him to them. Then the greeter led us to where Rachel's class met in a different building. We met the program leader and he welcomed us and Ben. Then we went to church.

After church, we went to collect Ben but first encountered an adult volunteer nursing an ice pack and learned that they had given Ben crayons and then tried to get one out of his mouth. Big mistake. Don't give Ben anything you're not prepared for him to put in his mouth. We didn't have a long time to talk to the leader of the program, but promised to email during the week.

That week, Lori did email a lengthy email, explained all about Ben, observed about the non-existent sensory room and more.

The next Sunday, we returned to the campus. I stayed with Ben during the entire service and guided him through everything from the singing, teaching and a craft project. The program leader talked to me briefly, said she had received Lori's note but that she hadn't responded.

Rachel went away to camp. We received updates by email and links to photo galleries.

And then it was Sunday again and it was our third Sunday. This time Lori stayed with Ben the entire service. Again the program leader acknowledged Lori's email but didn't actually address anything Lori had said.

At that point, we felt this wasn't the right church for us. We searched on Google and we asked in our neighborhood's Facebook page. Both pointed us to a different church with a thriving Special Needs Ministry.

So, every Sunday for the past six weeks we've gone to that church.

The first church we attended has made no effort to contact us - no updates from Jr. High ministry, no response to Lori's letter, nothing to acknowledge that we'd indicated that we were visitors or that we contributed financially. It's really weird, that complete lack of acknowledgement. I know it's a large church and that we presented some potentially challenging things to accommodate, but the complete radio silence isn't some grand conspiracy to keep quiet in the hopes that we'll go away, just something missing from that church where there's no effort made to welcome new visitors.

So now every Sunday, we've gone to this new church instead, a 25-minute drive that takes us right past that first church.

Feed Sift (07/31/2015)

-1-

ENGADGET.COM -- The US wants cars to 'talk' to each other, sooner rather than later

-2-

SETHGODIN.TYPEPAD.COM -- How to go faster

-3-

TWISTEDSIFTER.COM -- A Film Editor’s Take on the Rube Goldberg Machine

-4-

ARCHITECTURALDIGEST.COM -- Rooftops and Terraces (Slideshow)

-5-

MORNINGDEVOTION.OASISMEDIASERVICES.COM -- Giving life

A Prayer for Protection

¹ Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer!
² In despair and far from home
I call to you!
Take me to a safe refuge,
³ for you are my protector,
my strong defense against my enemies.
⁴ Let me live in your sanctuary all my life;
let me find safety under your wings.
⁵ You have heard my promises, O God,
and you have given me what belongs to those who honor you.
⁶ Add many years to the king's life;
let him live on and on!
⁷ May he rule forever in your presence, O God;
protect him with your constant love and faithfulness.
⁸ So I will always sing praises to you,
as I offer you daily what I have promised.

Psalm 91 (GNTD)

This was the focus of this morning's sermon in church.  It's thought that this was written by David while he was on the run, seeking to keep distance between himself and his son Absalom, lest Absalom kill David or David be forced to kill Absalom.  (Absalom was seeking to dethrone David.) It wasn't the point of the sermon, but it occurred to me that David spent a lot of his life running.

Before it had been King Saul who wished to kill him to prevent him from succeeding him on the throne and now his own son had him on the run.

He actually lived 70 years, ruled for 40 and had 8 wives.  But he also spent a lot of time on the run.  It doesn't seem like it when you just quickly read the Bible, but to think of it playing out in real time, that was a lot of time spent living in caves.

So I guess the point is that sometimes it feels like it's difficult to be hopeful, or that at some point one is too old to reinvent themselves or try something new, but really, on average, people have a lot of live available to them.  Too often trying to live a day at a time, or live short to short goals, you put your head down and forget andwhen you pick it up, you're left wondering where the time has gone.

The intended message, something else entirely, was also good - it was about times when God feels far away or when you're struggling.  Confirming a trust in God, but at the same time, pleading for relief. Recognizing God's provision in terms of refuge and sanctuary (a place of safety) as well as a strong defense (a place from which to attack) and a reminder that He's always with us, no matter how things seem to be going.

It was interesting because it was one of those "warning" type sermons - those reminders that we will face trials and they can strain our faith.  I felt myself sitting there thinking that I've seen enough that my faith can't be shaken.  We've had trials, most of them we've seen the other side.  But what we face now (I was thinking mostly of the continued horrid sleep but I guess could also apply to what we're dealing with with our children, especially Ben) doesn't even seem like a trial.  More of just a dull wearing. Not Jobsian by any stretch, but just a constant dull torture for unknown reasons (especially the sleep part).

So I feel like my response to trials has simply become "Ok, here we go again." or "Boy, this sucks."  I don't mean I have this solid faith where I have no questions or no doubts, but as we load up to head to the ER the fear is gone.  I still struggle mightily and repeatedly with the sins of things I do not want to do and yet do and that which I ought to do but do not do.  But I guess what I have is a confidence that God is with me no matter what.

The pastor also talked about not appreciating things until we didn't have them (like electricity) but this is an area that I've worked on (or has been impressed upon me) over the past decade or so - being grateful before it's gone.  I think it has become a habit and it's definitely a good one to have in your aresenal.

So what I've been focusing on lately is something from a previous sermon, the idea of not just serving, but serving joyfully.  My response is that I could certainly serve more joyfully if I'd be allowed to get a good night's sleep.  I've been a grumpy crank now for way too long and it would be nice to see if that goes away with decent sleep or if there's some other issue I need to address.

I know this has been a bit rambly. But I'll possibly chalk it up to poor sleep.  But I think there are a few truths:

- There's lots of opportunity in life as long as we're looking for it, making it, seizing it.
- We are not promised a life without trials.
- God is always with us and will provide strength and comfort in the trials.
- A life of practiced thankfulness is a much more enjoyable life.

What Are We Listening To? (Christian Music)

So just now getting around to wrapping up stuff from 2014. So here's my belated annual look at what we're listening to. As I mentioned yesterday, not sure if I'll continue these posts next year - I'm not running very music (listening to less music), I have a much longer commute (mostly listening to audiobooks), our primary phones aren't iDevices (lots of plays don't update play counts) and we're using Pandora and YouTube much more for our music.

Not a lot of change from last time which seems like confirmation of that change in listening habits.  I would be surprised if In Christ Alone was ever dislodged from the #1 spot.  It's so far ahead of the others.  Because I really like it.



1. In Christ Alone - Adrienne Liesching (with Geoff Moore) [1]

2. Here With Us - Joy Williams [2]

3. Ancient Words - Michael W. Smith [3]

4. My Savior My God - Aaron Shust [5]

5. Keep The Candle Burning - Point of Grace [5]

6. You Are Holy (Prince of Peace) - Michael W. Smith [6]

7. Back Home - JJ Heller [7]

8. Dive - Steve Curtis Chapman [8]

9. Christ the Lord is Risen Today - Ashley Cleveland [9]

10. In The Light - dcTalk [12]

11. Secret Ambition - Michael W. Smith [7]

12. Indescribable - Chris Tomlin [14]

13. Say The Words (Now) - dcTalk [15]

14. In Christ Alone - Newsboys [17]

15. We Humble Ourselves - Paul Baloche [13]

16. We - Joy Williams [16]

17. Lord, I Life Your Name On High - SONICFLOOd [18]

18. Wonderful, Merciful Savior - Selah [12]

19. Keep You Safe - JJ Heller [19]

20. Can't Go On - Group 1 Crew [22]

21. I Want To Know You - SONICFLOOd [23]

22. Live Out Loud - Steven Curtis Chapman [24]

23. What Do I Know of Holy - Addison Road [21]

24. The River - Brian Doerksen [23]

25. Who I Am Hates Who I've Been - Reliant K [new]

Previously: January 2013, July 2011,

Feed Sift (05/02/2014)

Hello, world! Here's a few things pulled from my feed that I thought were worth passing along.

-1-

LIFEHACKER -- Feasibility Matters More Than Excitement When Giving Great Gifts

-2-

A LIST APART -- People Skills for Web Workers

-3-

Feed Sift (04/11/2014)

A few things I've read recently that I wanted to share...

-1-

LIFEHACKER -- I'm a Telemarketer. Here's How to Get Rid of Me

-2-

I, CRINGELY -- An impending black swan for electric cars

-3-

Book Review -- Speechless: Finding God's Grace in my Son's Autism

Speechless: Finding God's Grace in my Son's Autism by Sandra Peoples

To glance at the reviews, I'm in the minority, but I would probably only give it 1 or 2 stars.

The first premise you must accept when you read this book is that there are two very distinct kinds of autism. I'm not saying I don't, in fact it makes a lot of sense. Well, frankly, there's actually a wide range and that's why it's called a spectrum, so please forgive me if I simplify slightly to begin.

The first kind: exhibited as developmental delays from the start. Often diagnosed first as PDD-NOS and later Autism or a similar diagnosis. This is what Ben has.

The second kind: the child begins life seemingly typical and then at a certain point, takes a turn for the worse. You see a regression in development or mental ability. There's some argument about whether these are truly cases of Autism or some other condition altogether, such as Landau-Kleffner Syndrome, a disease often misdiagnosed as Autism. Children who suffer in this way (regardless of what you call it) often lose the ability to communicate verbally but respond well to medication and treatment and many regain lost skills. This type of scenario often leads parents to blame vaccinations for their child's autism. In cases like these, a change in diet can greatly improve if not "cure autism." This is where those "Defeat Autism Now (DAN)" doctors come in. (This is where crazy Jenny McCarthy lives, if her child even has autism.)

So the child in the book has this second kind. He has trouble with bowel movements, and a change in diet makes all the difference. And within a year, the child has rebounded. So this book is short - both in the time covered and in its size.

In it, the mom fights with doctor after doctor until she finds one that will believe her child is indeed suffering. She works on their family's diet and the family goes through the adjustments to living with a child with autism. But after one short year, it's almost as if the book has a happy ending. But families with children who have a lifelong disability (some children, diet or no, do "catch up" and lead fairly typical lives) don't have a "happily ever after" to look forward to.

The book does talk about some good things people face: the different pace at which family members come to grips (if they ever do) with what you're going through, the alienation and disappointment when you're left out of things, the strain it puts on the family and how other siblings are often short-changed. And there's also validity to making changes - we know for certain that Red 40 has a big impact on both of our children and we've cut out nearly all dyes from our children's diets (and we're being more conscious ourselves).

And an absolutely salient point: the biggest fear in the life of a special-needs parent is their own mortality. If this life, little as it is now, is going to need care for the rest of their life, what will happen to them when they die? They were looking at their son's brother, age 6, and thinking about how their little boy would someday be his responsibility.

So while the author does explore a number of topics, I felt it was too brief, too neat, and in some ways, offers the wrong kind of hope to others who might find themselves in similar situations.

Not that we shouldn't provide hope, but that we should also be real: for whatever reason, God has chosen to place a child in our lives who does not see or experience the world in the same way that most of us do. And that means, in our case, they can't comprehend threats to their own safety, they don't engage with others in the same way, and unfortunately, there are plenty of people out there who will judge, exclude, ridicule and just generally not bother to become informed or stay in our lives because it's too much work. Because it is work. But our child is still a blessing.

But it's a challenge day in and day out. We've had valleys in our life and we've learned to trust in God because we've seen the other side, we've seen the mountain tops. But here's a case where it's like a valley with what feels like a much lower likelihood that a mountain (as we've experienced them before) is the natural destination.


Speechless: Finding God's Grace in My Son's Autism (Amazon.com)

What Are We Listening To? (Christian Music)

Not a lot of change since January 2013. Despite a household moratorium on My Savior My God by Aaron Shust it only dropped two positions. That means we stil listened to it or we didn't listen to the other top songs much. New at number 9 is a song that I absolutely fell in love with, a version of "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" that starts with bagpipes and then transitions into modern praise band. You can't beat lyrics like "Death in vain forbid Him rise" but pair it with such a sweeping range of instruments... love.



1. In Christ Alone - Adrienne Liesching (with Geoff Moore) [1*]

2. Here With Us - Joy Williams [2]

3. Ancient Words - Michael W. Smith [3]

4. Keep The Candle Burning - Point of Grace [6]

5. My Savior My God - Aaron Shust [4]

6. You Are Holy (Prince of Peace) - Michael W. Smith [5]

7. Back Home - JJ Heller [10]

8. Dive - Steve Curtis Chapman [8]

9. Christ the Lord is Risen Today - Ashley Cleveland** [new]

10. In The Light - dcTalk [12]

11. Secret Ambition - Michael W. Smith [7]

12. Wonderful, Merciful Savior - Selah [11]

13. We Humble Ourselves - Paul Baloche [14]

14. Indescribable - Chris Tomlin [18]

15. Say The Words (Now) - dcTalk [15]

16. We - Joy Williams [16]

17. In Christ Alone - Newsboys [13]

18. Lord, I Life Your Name On High - SONICFLOOd [17]

19. Keep You Safe - JJ Heller [20]

20. The River - Brian Doerksen [19]

21. What Do I Know of Holy - Addison Road [22]

22. Can't Go On - Group 1 Crew** [23]

23. I Want To Know You - SONICFLOOd [24]

24. Live Out Loud - Steven Curtis Chapman [21]

25. Forever - Chris Tomlin [new]

* There's some confusion about the #1 spot - I have two copies of the number one song. By themselves they're at #5 and #12 but added together they are in the #1 position. Last year I didn't combine them and the year before it looks like I did. So I'm going to consider that a misprint in the last rankings.
** YouTube (all others are Amazon links)