So here it was... day two of new employee orientation. (No, not a new job... just finally ran out of excuses to avoid attending.)
At the end of day one they had said "On day two, please sit at a different table with different people." So I did my part and sat at a table with two women my age. Eventually the table filled up... with more women my age or slightly older. Granted, this is a female-heavy employer, but still... I didn't mind, except that I quickly remembered that a big portion of the morning would be spent on the state-mandated sexual harassment anti-training. I guess the big key to whether or not it's sexual harassment -- at least the "hostile workplace" type -- is if it's (a) unwanted and (b) repeated, intimidating or severe, as determined by a "reasonable" person.
Not a huge deal, I guess. But there was some table discussion time and they began to all talk about how they'd been harassed at previous jobs. I think they were overdoing it. But eventually they realize I was sitting there fiddling with my pen and so they all turned to me and inquired as to whether or not I'd ever been sexually harassed.
I thought about it and then said "Well, I guess if 'unwanted' is the operative word, then no." They asked me to elaborate and I stumbled through an explanation of how guys enjoy the attention. They were surprised and one, brand new to the company, about my age said "So if I came in tomorrow and said 'Hey, James, you're looking sexy today -- that wouldn't offend you?" I said "I might think it inappropriate, but I'm going to still appreciate the comment." They were surprised by that.
As always, I was able to better unpack my thoughts on it long after we'd moved off the topic.
But as far as I see it, there are only a few ways that a guy can really be sexually harassed, at least in the "hostile workplace" version. (The other "this-for-that" is probably more of an equal opportunity offender.) But for "hostile workplace," you'd have to be (a) negative in an embarassing way (in the video they showed two women giving a guy a playboy magazine and a bottle of enhancement pills) or the aggressor would have to be (b) a dude.
For me, the rule is... "how pissed is my wife going to be if I relate [whatever] to her?" And she trusts me to shut down anything that's questionable, if women out there want to stroke my ego, I don't think anyone's going to have a problem with that.
Seriously, this session had them scared. Fortunately, I was able to educate at least the women at my table of how guys are willing to be treated. And now you.
2 comments:
Well, I'm at the first job in years where sexual harrassment doesn't apply (though there are now two cute chicks who work as supervisors for the after school daycare program). Every job I held prior to this one involved women "harrassing" me, and God bless them for it. I've been patted on the ass, had a woman refer to me as her "bitch," and been forwarded any number of sexually explicit jokes and video clips via e-mail. And that was just one woman!
If it is unwanted (in other words if she is a 500 lb. gorilla with a peg leg and fangs), I tell the woman in question to stop. Guess what? She does.
When I was an NBC Page, one of the female pages dared to accuse me of sexual harrassment. Her basis? Because I gave her massages. Why, in every single instance, did I give her massages? Because she asked... and always in front of witnesses. I won that workplace scuffle and she resigned shortly thereafter.
Frankly, all men know what does and does not constitute harrassment, and all men who cross the line have no trace of doubt when they do it. I've often wondered why women don't just beat the crap out of those men with a stapler or any other random office appliance.
well put. gorilla. ha.
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