Nevermind, I chickened out and deleted the post. Sorry, nevermind. Though if you've already formed an opinion, you can still post your thoughts about what's wrong with me.
8 comments:
Anonymous
said...
I'd have been right curious to see what the post was all about, frankly.
Yeah, well, sorry. Was about that "Five Love Languages" thing and I went through and detailed one by one how I didn't think I was strong in it, especially on the "receiving" end. And how dismayed I was at the complete oppositeness of Lori and I. But, feel free to post your own answer to "what the hell is wrong with me?"
What makes you assume there's something "wrong"? Or that anyone's opinion of what is wrong with you would help in any way?
But, if you want a thing that's wrong with you: you shouldn't read those self-help books. First, as the comedian said, self-help is a misnomer. If you were really helping yourself, you'd have written your own book.
Second, any psychiatrist worth his weight will tell you that naming things (i.e.- the "Five Love Languages", or for that matter "manic-depression") does nothing. Any idiosyncrocy or abnormality is, after all, only a part of your pathology (which is a complex system of all your personality quirks, good and bad). Measuring the decibel level of your sneeze does nothing to cure your cold. Naming your pencil doesn't help you to pass a test.
Having never read about the "Five Love Languages," allow me to speculate that there is no chartable path to a successful relationship. And there are much more than five forms of love in this universe. Some people work... others don't. For some, opposites attract. For others, opposites repulse. If something works, as you and Lori seem to work, don't worry about trying to fit into some sort of label. Don't be dismayed because an author's crackpot theory doesn't gel with the dynamics of your relationship.
But what do I know... I'm still waiting for my new health insurance to kick in so I can set my first shrink appointment.
I don't think you were in our small group during this particular session and I do not feel I am betraying a confidence when I say that one man swore his love language was food and gave a detailed argument for it.
I never could figure out my love language either until one speaker equated 'gifts' as mementos. For me, it all fell neatly in place. Stuff doesn't make me happy - good pictures do. I have always held onto ticket stubs and notes and all sorts of nonsensical crud and finally figured out why. Now I insist on photos so that I have something pretty to hold onto(i.e. the photo) rather than a mug I won't use or a keychain for my keychain collection (which is unsurprisingly completely unwieldy).
In fact, it is so out of control that if I do not get pictures or do not get good pictures from an important event, I feel it wasn't a great time even if nothing else went wrong. And a great picture can make me remember a horrible trip with nostalgia.
Different people can add a facet to the definition of these love languages that might open it up for you.
AND (long comment, sorry) Steve and I are about as opposite as you can be on love languages and hey - it just makes us stronger because every single time we want to love or be loved it is an exercise in either remembering the other person by stepping outside of our loving preferences or accepting a gesture for it's intent even if it's the other person's language or communicating that we need a gesture in our own language. It's all work, but fruitful work.
Is "Five Love Languages" legit? Is it the end-all be-all? Not necessarily.
But... with the version we used last night in class, it was five sets of five scenarios. In each set, you ranked the choices from most preferred to least preferred.
In the end, you had a metric. Whether or not the underlying concept is bogus, you had something controlled, something measurable. (It could just as easily have told me which Simpsons character I'm most like.)
So I and Lori (and the entire class) have a common language, if you will, to see one's similarities and differences.
And that was where my first problem with the system came in... My best score was only 80% in one category. And fourth and fifth was a tie with 20% each. Once again, I'm stuck in the middle. It was the Pollster problem all over again. I've had similar problems recently with Birkman and Meyers-Briggs... clustered in the middle. Lori calls it balanced, I call it indecisive.
Secondly, Lori and I couldn't have been more opposite in our results, which was disappointing. Of all 25 answers, the only one where we even matched was that we liked the idea of our spouse planning a nice night out.
And then the more I thought about it, the more I crossed into your analysis, of the test possibly being bogus. Although last night I didn't think of it that way. I more wondered what was wrong with me. As I considered each of the types of love, I could easily describe why I was unable to accept/receive love in that way.
You might be suggesting something Lori said outright... that I oughta get counseling. Although she was kidding. I think.
Identifying your Love Languages isn't supposed to be something that causes you to feel inadequate or defective. It's probably more helpful for your mate to know what languages generally speak to you the most so that they can remember that and seek to do things in those categories.
As we know, my #1 is gifts, so I like to give things to people closest to me, since I like to receive things. While it's okay for me to continue to give you gifts if it gives me joy to do that, I should also be thinking about what appeals to you more and try to do those things. I love Reese's Blizzards, but if I were to pick up a Blizzard for you, I would get cookie dough and oreo or something like that, because I know you like that more.
We don't have to like the same kind of Blizzard to be compatible. And we don't have to share the same strongest Love Languages to be compatible. Maybe couples who have the same Love Languages feel like their relationship is in a rut because they're always thinking on the same wavelength, when they'd like to be surprised sometimes :)
I don't think you were in our small group during this particular session and I do not feel I am betraying a confidence when I say that one man swore his love language was food and gave a detailed argument for it.
I never could figure out my love language either until one speaker equated 'gifts' as mementos. For me, it all fell neatly in place. Stuff doesn't make me happy - good pictures do. I have always held onto ticket stubs and notes and all sorts of nonsensical crud and finally figured out why. Now I insist on photos so that I have something pretty to hold onto(i.e. the photo) rather than a mug I won't use or a keychain for my keychain collection (which is unsurprisingly completely unwieldy).
In fact, it is so out of control that if I do not get pictures or do not get good pictures from an important event, I feel it wasn't a great time even if nothing else went wrong. And a great picture can make me remember a horrible trip with nostalgia.
Different people can add a facet to the definition of these love languages that might open it up for you.
AND (long comment, sorry) Steve and I are about as opposite as you can be on love languages and hey - it just makes us stronger because every single time we want to love or be loved it is an exercise in either remembering the other person by stepping outside of our loving preferences or accepting a gesture for it's intent even if it's the other person's language or communicating that we need a gesture in our own language. It's all work, but fruitful work.
Is "Five Love Languages" legit? Is it the end-all be-all? Not necessarily.
But... with the version we used last night in class, it was five sets of five scenarios. In each set, you ranked the choices from most preferred to least preferred.
In the end, you had a metric. Whether or not the underlying concept is bogus, you had something controlled, something measurable. (It could just as easily have told me which Simpsons character I'm most like.)
So I and Lori (and the entire class) have a common language, if you will, to see one's similarities and differences.
And that was where my first problem with the system came in... My best score was only 80% in one category. And fourth and fifth was a tie with 20% each. Once again, I'm stuck in the middle. It was the Pollster problem all over again. I've had similar problems recently with Birkman and Meyers-Briggs... clustered in the middle. Lori calls it balanced, I call it indecisive.
Secondly, Lori and I couldn't have been more opposite in our results, which was disappointing. Of all 25 answers, the only one where we even matched was that we liked the idea of our spouse planning a nice night out.
And then the more I thought about it, the more I crossed into your analysis, of the test possibly being bogus. Although last night I didn't think of it that way. I more wondered what was wrong with me. As I considered each of the types of love, I could easily describe why I was unable to accept/receive love in that way.
You might be suggesting something Lori said outright... that I oughta get counseling. Although she was kidding. I think.
8 comments:
I'd have been right curious to see what the post was all about, frankly.
Locksley
Yeah, well, sorry. Was about that "Five Love Languages" thing and I went through and detailed one by one how I didn't think I was strong in it, especially on the "receiving" end. And how dismayed I was at the complete oppositeness of Lori and I. But, feel free to post your own answer to "what the hell is wrong with me?"
What makes you assume there's something "wrong"? Or that anyone's opinion of what is wrong with you would help in any way?
But, if you want a thing that's wrong with you: you shouldn't read those self-help books. First, as the comedian said, self-help is a misnomer. If you were really helping yourself, you'd have written your own book.
Second, any psychiatrist worth his weight will tell you that naming things (i.e.- the "Five Love Languages", or for that matter "manic-depression") does nothing. Any idiosyncrocy or abnormality is, after all, only a part of your pathology (which is a complex system of all your personality quirks, good and bad). Measuring the decibel level of your sneeze does nothing to cure your cold. Naming your pencil doesn't help you to pass a test.
Having never read about the "Five Love Languages," allow me to speculate that there is no chartable path to a successful relationship. And there are much more than five forms of love in this universe. Some people work... others don't. For some, opposites attract. For others, opposites repulse. If something works, as you and Lori seem to work, don't worry about trying to fit into some sort of label. Don't be dismayed because an author's crackpot theory doesn't gel with the dynamics of your relationship.
But what do I know... I'm still waiting for my new health insurance to kick in so I can set my first shrink appointment.
I don't think you were in our small group during this particular session and I do not feel I am betraying a confidence when I say that one man swore his love language was food and gave a detailed argument for it.
I never could figure out my love language either until one speaker equated 'gifts' as mementos. For me, it all fell neatly in place. Stuff doesn't make me happy - good pictures do. I have always held onto ticket stubs and notes and all sorts of nonsensical crud and finally figured out why. Now I insist on photos so that I have something pretty to hold onto(i.e. the photo) rather than a mug I won't use or a keychain for my keychain collection (which is unsurprisingly completely unwieldy).
In fact, it is so out of control that if I do not get pictures or do not get good pictures from an important event, I feel it wasn't a great time even if nothing else went wrong. And a great picture can make me remember a horrible trip with nostalgia.
Different people can add a facet to the definition of these love languages that might open it up for you.
AND (long comment, sorry) Steve and I are about as opposite as you can be on love languages and hey - it just makes us stronger because every single time we want to love or be loved it is an exercise in either remembering the other person by stepping outside of our loving preferences or accepting a gesture for it's intent even if it's the other person's language or communicating that we need a gesture in our own language. It's all work, but fruitful work.
You're right. And you're wrong.
Is "Five Love Languages" legit? Is it the end-all be-all? Not necessarily.
But... with the version we used last night in class, it was five sets of five scenarios. In each set, you ranked the choices from most preferred to least preferred.
In the end, you had a metric. Whether or not the underlying concept is bogus, you had something controlled, something measurable. (It could just as easily have told me which Simpsons character I'm most like.)
So I and Lori (and the entire class) have a common language, if you will, to see one's similarities and differences.
And that was where my first problem with the system came in... My best score was only 80% in one category. And fourth and fifth was a tie with 20% each. Once again, I'm stuck in the middle. It was the Pollster problem all over again. I've had similar problems recently with Birkman and Meyers-Briggs... clustered in the middle. Lori calls it balanced, I call it indecisive.
Secondly, Lori and I couldn't have been more opposite in our results, which was disappointing. Of all 25 answers, the only one where we even matched was that we liked the idea of our spouse planning a nice night out.
And then the more I thought about it, the more I crossed into your analysis, of the test possibly being bogus. Although last night I didn't think of it that way. I more wondered what was wrong with me. As I considered each of the types of love, I could easily describe why I was unable to accept/receive love in that way.
You might be suggesting something Lori said outright... that I oughta get counseling. Although she was kidding. I think.
Yes, I was kidding :)
Identifying your Love Languages isn't supposed to be something that causes you to feel inadequate or defective. It's probably more helpful for your mate to know what languages generally speak to you the most so that they can remember that and seek to do things in those categories.
As we know, my #1 is gifts, so I like to give things to people closest to me, since I like to receive things. While it's okay for me to continue to give you gifts if it gives me joy to do that, I should also be thinking about what appeals to you more and try to do those things. I love Reese's Blizzards, but if I were to pick up a Blizzard for you, I would get cookie dough and oreo or something like that, because I know you like that more.
We don't have to like the same kind of Blizzard to be compatible. And we don't have to share the same strongest Love Languages to be compatible. Maybe couples who have the same Love Languages feel like their relationship is in a rut because they're always thinking on the same wavelength, when they'd like to be surprised sometimes :)
I don't think you were in our small group during this particular session and I do not feel I am betraying a confidence when I say that one man swore his love language was food and gave a detailed argument for it.
I never could figure out my love language either until one speaker equated 'gifts' as mementos. For me, it all fell neatly in place. Stuff doesn't make me happy - good pictures do. I have always held onto ticket stubs and notes and all sorts of nonsensical crud and finally figured out why. Now I insist on photos so that I have something pretty to hold onto(i.e. the photo) rather than a mug I won't use or a keychain for my keychain collection (which is unsurprisingly completely unwieldy).
In fact, it is so out of control that if I do not get pictures or do not get good pictures from an important event, I feel it wasn't a great time even if nothing else went wrong. And a great picture can make me remember a horrible trip with nostalgia.
Different people can add a facet to the definition of these love languages that might open it up for you.
AND (long comment, sorry) Steve and I are about as opposite as you can be on love languages and hey - it just makes us stronger because every single time we want to love or be loved it is an exercise in either remembering the other person by stepping outside of our loving preferences or accepting a gesture for it's intent even if it's the other person's language or communicating that we need a gesture in our own language. It's all work, but fruitful work.
You're right. And you're wrong.
Is "Five Love Languages" legit? Is it the end-all be-all? Not necessarily.
But... with the version we used last night in class, it was five sets of five scenarios. In each set, you ranked the choices from most preferred to least preferred.
In the end, you had a metric. Whether or not the underlying concept is bogus, you had something controlled, something measurable. (It could just as easily have told me which Simpsons character I'm most like.)
So I and Lori (and the entire class) have a common language, if you will, to see one's similarities and differences.
And that was where my first problem with the system came in... My best score was only 80% in one category. And fourth and fifth was a tie with 20% each. Once again, I'm stuck in the middle. It was the Pollster problem all over again. I've had similar problems recently with Birkman and Meyers-Briggs... clustered in the middle. Lori calls it balanced, I call it indecisive.
Secondly, Lori and I couldn't have been more opposite in our results, which was disappointing. Of all 25 answers, the only one where we even matched was that we liked the idea of our spouse planning a nice night out.
And then the more I thought about it, the more I crossed into your analysis, of the test possibly being bogus. Although last night I didn't think of it that way. I more wondered what was wrong with me. As I considered each of the types of love, I could easily describe why I was unable to accept/receive love in that way.
You might be suggesting something Lori said outright... that I oughta get counseling. Although she was kidding. I think.
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