- If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.
- Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
- You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.
- For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.
- A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
- If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.
- Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb wit h a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
- Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.
- Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
- Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Out of character, but thanks to Larry and Leticia for these...
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