Friday, September 29, 2006

Pointless

I really don't know why I'm posting, but I felt the need to post something. So, I'm going to type for five minutes and hopefully during that time something will come to me. Otherwise, this is going to be a really boring post.

Tonight at small group we talked about the Love Languages and how we experience and/or express love. Using that book's definitions, it's very obvious that I express love in Acts of Service. That is, if there's something to be done, I'm there. I don't like standing around, I don't like being passive. Chairs need to be set out for an event? Great. Tables need to be moved? I'm your man. If I really think about it, it's partially a defense mechanism, a way to avoid having to be social.

But I was trying to figure out how I most accept love and I had a hard time with it. I kind of felt that maybe it's when I feel like someone has my back, someone is standing united with me.

I asked Lori and she thought it was affirmation, and that it sort of tied into where I was going. But the very next question was about what ways we find it hard to accept love. And it was the same thing... I have a hard time believing affirmation, that perhaps I have a self-esteem problem and I'm either humble (ha!) and push off praise, embarassed by it (true) or I don't believe the person saying it, that they're being nice or they don't really know me, or something. So I guess maybe it's an ego thing. For as big as my ego is, it's really not. Or something.

I dunno.

The small group went really long and now I'm kinda tired. We might get to sleep in tomorrow unless the dog wakes us up early or the little one gets up early. Hopefully not the case since she didn't go to sleep at all today for her afternoon nap and was up late while we were at small group.

I was reading tonight about LazyDork and LonelyGirl, two YouTube celebrities, neither of which I've seen. One is real and the other one was scripted and acted, but both garnered big followings, though one is now just a big fraud that most people are annoyed with. I was thinking that I have a couple of cameras, I could record something. But I couldn't even think of a name and I couldn't think of anything, even ramblings that anyone might find interesting. In the end I decided it would be something else that I wouldn't maintain and not keep up with, much like my t-shirt company idea, my publishing company idea, the children's book series idea Lori and I were working on (we both kind of abandoned it together) and my plans to take artistic photos to sell on iStock. Or even my plan to photograph ugly homes near my neighborhood and add to the Flickr map for the world to see. Although that one I still intend to do. Just haven't had good daylight hours to go and find these homes. I don't know where exactly they are because I try to avoid driving through that area. Lori swears it's faster but I just don't like the feel of the area. Not unsafe, just unsightly.

I guess my five minutes is over or nearly over. I don't know if I went anywhere or if my original title held true. Thanks for reading and hope the next thing you go off to read is a little less boring.
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