This past Saturday night in church the pastor spoke of 'running away from God.' He posited that in most cases, we know quite well what we're doing, and that it's intentional. He used Jonah as an example of someone who heard God's word and turned and ran in the exact opposite direction, ultimately ending up in the belly of a whale wondering if that's how his life would end.
In the end, Jonah relents and gives in to what God has asked him to do.
But what happens when the exact opposite is true? What if you're standing there, arms outstretched, face lifted skyward saying "God, Your will, not mine." but God remains silent?
We've felt pushed to change the circumstances, to which Lori can stay home with Rachel. I've also felt pushed to leave this miserable job. But, how?
We're ready to sell cars, houses, move, change life drastically and dramatically. Or perhaps less drastic measures are needed. I've applied to a few places, but I'm struggling to know what I should do next, career-wise. I've done one assessment and I'm about to undertake another. The only thing I really feel passionate about is making churches better. Ideally, it would be this one, but if that's not the case, maybe there's another church out there who has got a good plan but needs help executing or communicating it.
I've talked to friends who are saying that I'm describing a place they've been in the past. They said that at the time, they couldn't figure anything out, but now they've gotten past that stage and they can look back and see things that were moving into place to make where they are now possible.
I think I can accept that. But it's so frustrating that it makes me wonder if there's a version of civil disobdience with God, or not. Can I stand up and say "God, I'm not going to work hard at my job anymore. I'm going to spend all day on realtor.com and hotjobs.com. I'm going to phone it in." I suppose that's not the best way to get God's attention, and I know I'm no Moses, but God's mind has been changed in the Bible, so I sometimes wonder if I should do something just to get God to respond.
Unfortunately, I probably wouldn't like the response. I guess that's not a risk I'm prepared to take.