Thursday, February 28, 2013

February 2013: It's Over!

This month has flown by. There was my birthday, and then the trip to Miami, and then, wow, a bit of a blur.

From the perspective of goals, I missed repeatedly, by a long shot. I'm a little bit saddened about what I failed to complete. Some of them should have been easy. However, I failed because I did not plan for them. By the time I got serious about my list, we ran out of weekends (best time to take photos). For this next month, the list is longer, but I will plan them out on a calendar to make sure I get to them.

The big elements

Simplify - stand-still. I don't feel things are more complicated, but I don't think I made my life any more complicated either.

Diet - super failure. bad, bad, bad.

Work - mostly well. The best and worst parts I can't speak to right now. Best parts, perhaps soon. The worst parts, probably stay hidden, or make their way into a generic post about workplace politics, leadership, etc.

Family Present Ideas - I didn't pick up any clues this month. I certainly did not pay enough attention.


Last month, my goals were:

  1. Read a book (Shadow and Bone -- Leigh Bardugo -- My Review)
  2. Read a second book (Spark -- Melissa Dereberry -- My Review)
  3. Update my photo across the internet - nope
  4. Apply moss killer to the driveway - done, may need to do more
  5. Apply moss killer to the roof - done, may need to do more
  6. Regrout bathtub - nope, didn't get to
  7. Eat at 1 new restaurant with the family - sadly, did not get to
  8. Visit 1 new park or tourist attraction with the family - did not get to
  9. Take photo of Ben with his picture bear
  10. Take photo of Rachel with her picture bear
  11. Take photo of Ben and Rachel
  12. Take photo of Ben and Lori
  13. Take photo of Rachel and Lori
  14. Take photo of Ben and James
  15. Take photo of Rachel and James
  16. Take photo of Lori and James
  17. Take photo of Cash

This month's goals are on the "goals" tab.

Top 5 Posts This Month

Here are the most read posts this month.

  1. How To: Fix a "TE Error" on an LG-WM2277HW - This will probably top the list every month. This is part 1 of 2. Part 2 also made the list but I'm not including it.
  2. 31. Favourite #JanBlogaDay - the last of January's Blog a Day
  3. Problem of Scale - I complain about a breakfast cereal and you guys upvote it?
  4. 私への誕生日おめでとう - vanity post
  5. How To: Save Best Buy (@BestBuy) - In which I tell Best Buy how to save itself.

Top 5 All Time

Almost all work-related, except the TE error post. That will be the top post soon enough.
  1. Facebook Messaging (A Work-Related Post)
  2. How To: Fix a "TE Error" on an LG-WM2277HW
  3. Reorg (A Work-Related Post)
  4. Nasty People (A Work-Related Post)
  5. In Defense of Epsilon (A Work-Related Post)

My Favorites from February

Slim pickings. Proof I need to write more in March.
  1. Down to the Wire - a humdrum generic post pecked out at the end of the month on my iPad. Of little consequence. Like I said, slim pickings.
  2. Doing the Work - I realize I do want to lose weight. Yeah, that motivation did not last long at all. I should be embarrassed, but who would believe me at this point. Yeah, yeah, James, we've heard this all before.
  3. Idea: Business Model - here's a free business model for a small bakery. You could probably adjust it for other industries. My wife didn't want it, so I'm putting it out here in case anyone else wants to try it out. I, personally, think it's pretty slick.
  4. family - Another in my introspection series. This series is taking way too long to conclude.
  5. How to Save Best Buy (@BestBuy) - I like this one. It had rattled around for a long time in my brain. Other than laying off staff at corporate headquarters, so far haven't heard the angst I was expecting. That's good news. Barnes & Noble and JCPenney aren't faring so well at all lately and are a little worrisome.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Down to the wire

It's almost the end of the month. After the rush of January's blog-a-day, I turned to a more quiet month. Well, on the blog at least. Quieter than I would have liked.

It has not been a quiet month. Without a lot to show for it, it feels like it's been a rather busy month. I'm now reading *three* books for work, a book for church and a book for personal time. Though some days I'm not getting much reading in at all.

I went to a conference, learned a lot, spent way too long in the travel to and from, including a shuttle experience in Miami longer than my flight from Houston to Miami and a wait on the ground due to a delayed connection and then mechanical difficulties so long that I actually fell asleep on the plane while waiting for it to take off. I didn't win any sweet swag this year but I'm pretty convinced none of the vendors who said they were giving away iPad minis actually did. I have lots of notes I've been working to type up from the trip.

There's an interesting turn at work that I can't say too much about it yet. It could be really good or really bad. But work in general has been quite busy and we're racing way too quickly towards the last day for a really wonderful member of my team who's decided to leave because sh/ having another child and would like flexibility out company couldn't offer. I keep saying I have 12 weeks (Feb/March/April) but in a few days it will really be only a month left. I'm still in denial.

Rachel has done all her chores now for 10 straight days and is now motivated to not break the chain. The money she earns isn't bad either.

Ben's off the first medicine for seizures and fully transitioned to a second. The first works for most but in a small number of people if causes aggression. Hopefully this new one works better for him.

I have not been doing well on my diet or exercise and not getting great sleep and we keep canceling small group due to illness.

Oddly, it seems like this should mean I have all kinds of extra time, but I haven't, I don't know where it's going.

We did get up to Seattle last weekend for brunch with Allison and Corey which was really nice but that alone wasn't much time.

Been trying to get home earlier in the evenings with limited success.

And the laundry's caught up but that was just time spent mostly during a movie on Saturday and then some small work since then to keep it caught up.

So yeah, puzzled where the time's gone. Kind of concerned that when I do the summary at the end of the month that I'm not even going to have very many thoughtful posts to even select as my favorites. But this is at least something. (But I'm doing this instead of personal or church-related work.)

Tuesday, February 26, 2013


I told Lori I needed something stronger than the L.A. Looks 10 or 11 I've been using for years.  This is a 10, but it promises 24-hour hold.  That might work.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Book Review: Spark by Melissa Dereberry

Spark tells the story of a girl who wakes up to learn that she's been in a coma for the past four years.  However, her brain has continued to function, so she ends up back in school, only four years is a long time, so her friends don't remember her.  The incident that caused her to fall into a coma also killed her best friend.

So not only has her brain continued to function, but she apparently learned all kinds of stuff because the novel sees her driving and socially interacting with her peers despite the 4-year gap.  And it's YA so there's hints of love triangles, but they're not well maintained, and there are throw-away characters that only pop in and out from time-to-time as needed.   And it's science fiction, so there's random stuff thrown that are tech-y and feel like they're going to be integral to the plot, only never to be mentioned again.

Turns out, this is a time travel story of love and loss and the questions that come with changing timelines or what could happen if one does mess with the space-time continuum.

Friday, February 22, 2013

#EEC13 Email Statistics (A Work-Related Post)

Here's a bunch of tweets from #EEC13 with email statistics I thought were worth saving.

Susan Tull ‏@Ohsusantull
@delaquist argues that not all clicks are equal and mobile clicks drive less $ #emailchat #eec13

Matthew Kelley ‏@matthew_kelley
More frequent email sending increases engagement and revenue per subscriber AND self-cleans your list in the process. @delaquist #eec13

tinktaylor ‏@tinktaylor
#eec13 Open & click rates drop but revenue per subscriber increases with frequency. Open Reach is a no brainer not a debate @DelaQuist

Dwight Sholes ‏@dsholes
With increased email frequency, every metric goes down except one: revenue per subscriber. @DelaQuist #EEC13.

Chris Frasier ‏@steelhull
On average, a smartphone user checks their phone 150 times a day. #eec13

Manny Ju ‏@mannyju
@VirginAmerica DECREASED email frequency and was still very effective. Who woulda thunk? #eec13

Erika Westphal ‏@EmailErika
20% of people leave their mobile phone at home? #EEC13

Ryan Phelan ‏@ryanpphelan
80% of all blog traffic comes from a first time visitor @swerdtoyourmom @chrisbaggott #eec13

Len Shneyder ‏@LenShneyder
#eec13 email is most measurable followed by seo and then display advertising.

Len Shneyder ‏@LenShneyder
#eec13 #emailmarketing ROI is bananas according to Luanne Calvert of @VirginAmerica besides leveraging the brand it's highly measurable.

Kevin Rehberg ‏@KevinRehberg
As offer rates increase past 25%, open rates actually decrease by as much as 15% #EEC13

Mitch Lapides ‏@MitchLapides
@ryanphelan says you should be getting 30% of your revenue from trigger emails #EEC13

Erika Westphal ‏@EmailErika
There are about 16-18 types of transactional email. 20% can be used for promotional such as NLP info. Put exclusions at the bottom. #EEC13

Mitch Lapides ‏@MitchLapides
@ryanphelan notes transactional emails average 60% + open rate and can be large revenue source #EEC13

Kate Blom ‏@kateblom
#eec13 80% of all web content is user generated

John Caldwell ‏@jacaldwell
outlook users clicking at about 1/3 rate of mobile, outlook users tend to be older & business says @davehendricks #eec13

HighRoad Solution ‏@HighRoadsol
Stat from #eec13 session,61% of mobile email opens revert to desktop due to negative post click experiences. Only 10% of tablet users revert

Manny Ju ‏@mannyju
27pct opens on iOS devices for target audience of 50-60yr old women.- Lisa Papageras >Wow! Who woulda thunk? #MobileEmail is here! #eec13

Manny Ju ‏@mannyju
#mobilemarketing spend $4.1B in 2012. Up 180pct. -Jonathan Margulies. #eec13

Manny Ju ‏@mannyju
93pct retail sales still offline. -Winterberry Grp >Huge oppty for #email and #mobilemarketing strategies to drive in-store sales #eec13

Len Shneyder ‏@LenShneyder
2.7 Zeta bytes will be used by #marketers this year! That's a number with 21 zeroes. #bigdata #epic #email #eec13 via @StephanieSAM

Mitch Lapides ‏@MitchLapides
Best subject line from Obama campaign led to $2.7 mill. vs worst one that would have delivered only $400k-value of testing #eec13

BlueHornet ‏@bluehornetemail
Email marketing will drive nearly a quarter of buyers back again #EEC13

Erika Westphal ‏@EmailErika
LTV initiatives - increase click 12 to 23%. Multiply results for single donor gifts. Adopt a subscriber acquisition program. #EEC13

Kate Blom ‏@kateblom
70% of consumers delete an email if it doesn't look good on their mobile device. #eec13

Leah Averre ‏@Averrela
Pay attention to your email marketing, A third of customers will stop engaging with your brand if they had a bad email experience #eec13

stephenguerra ‏@stephenguerra
@emailrocks 74% women and 62% men with Android phones use the Gmail client rather then their phone's native client. #eec13

Leah Averre ‏@Averrela
Average email complaint rate is .17%. So if you're above that revisit how you're setting customer expectations #eec13

Ryan Phelan ‏@ryanpphelan
200B emails are sent every day #eec13

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Yellow Swoosh is the New Black

Well, if you considered Lotus Notes 8.5 or Microsoft Word 2010 as "new."

I know, second dig at Microsoft this week.  Not intentional, guess I'm just grasping for things to post without Lindsey and Katrina feeding me topics.

(click to enlarge)

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Miracle on 157th Pl NE

Why is Microsoft trying to get me to switch to Gmail?

(click to enlarge)

Bait and switch! If you click it, it offers to help you switch *FROM* Gmail.

That obviously didn't go through UX or Usability.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Doing the Work

I was having a conversation with my daughter the other day.  We were talking about consuming calories and expending calories and the safe way to lose weight (and unsafe ways).  That it was all math.  But as I explained it to her, I came to a realization: I just didn't want to do the work.  That rattled around in my brain for the day and I realized that it ultimately wasn't true.

As much as I like things just coming to me, that's not a good motto.  If I want something, I must do the work.  And in this case, it was easy to discount the other times I've lost weight and said "Oh, it actually wasn't work."  But it was.  

And it has to be this time as well.  When we moved here in March of 2006, I weighed about 40 pounds more than I do now.  That first summer, before Lose-It!, before running, I actually lost close to 30 pounds.  Parts of it wasn't intentional - I was getting to work early and walking before work, I was walking at lunch (being in a new environment with great walking weather) and to delay my arrival home after work (I was a temp being paid by the hour so it was easier to leave right at 5, but I wanted to reduce my exposure to my mother-in-law who was staying with us, I'd walk more afterwards as well.  I had my bright shiny new iPod at that point and had some music on it.

So it was work, but it didn't seem like it.  I wasn't counting calories and I wasn't even necessarily eating carefully, but it was enough.  Until I kinda stopped.  And then I put a bit back on.  A few more got me to within 2 pounds of where I wanted to be (9 pounds below now) and then I gave up again.  That's been my habit, almost getting there and then stopping for some stupid reason or another.

But, darn it, I was willing to do the work. So Sunday I tracked it all and even ran.  No run on Monday, but maybe tonight if the timing and weather are decent.  So I will track, I will do the work.  And when I get there, I will celebrate, but I will not be stupid.  I will track pretty regularly, and when I need to, I'll go back into crunch mode.  But I won't let it get to where I've let it get to.  

Because, seriously, how stupid is that?  A whole year, by some accounts, wasted.  

Alright... time to do the work.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Feed Sift

I've done this from time-to-time over the past few years, even tried to dedicate a separate blog to it in 2011, but I never quite know what to do with stuff I've read that feels worth sharing... post to Facebook? Or Google+? Or Twitter? And what if I get too many piling up? Here's a couple recent ones that I thought were worth sharing...


SimpleWash is a service that will scan your photos and news updates to what it considers to be objectionable content. I don't know if it looks at photos, or just the accompanying text. Either I'm doing pretty good or it's of limited use as the terms it found in mine were:

  • Amused by the change from "Twin Lakes Mini-Mart" to "Twin Lakes Market and >> WINE << Cellar." Outside, the only change is the sign. 
  • Name that Christmas tune: " >> HOMO << -sapiens of crystallized vapor" The >> BIG BLACK << cat is hungry. 
  • ... was given a police >> ESCORT << to the hospital ...


Presentation Zen takes a look at a TED Talk from Pixar Studios filmmaker Andrew Stanton and breaks it down for those who'd rather get the highlights than watch the talk. Worth a skim.


Crosscut looks at the difference between Vancouver and Seattle as far as why Seattle's got so much more of a thriving arts scene, but why Vancouver is a cautionary tale of what we need to watch out for.


Lifehacker looks at how to handle negative feedback. In short, it suggests asking questions that focus on finding a solution - that will help the person delivering the negative feedback to help you improve and help them see that there's hope for change.


And Seth Godin's got a great reminder that there will always be someone who doesn't appreciate you and what to do about it.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Book Review: Shadow and Bone -- Leigh Bardugo

Lori can't remember where she originally got the recommendation but she read Shadow and Bone
 and then returned it to the library and then checked it out again because she thought I would really enjoy it.  And I did.

Shadow tells the story of a world of a simpler time, where travel is by foot.  Maybe by horse if you're rich or even a stagecoach if you're royalty.  In this world, there is a group of humans called "The Grisha," with superhuman abilities, such as the ability to call forth wind or fire.  In the kingdom at the heart of the story, they work with the monarchy to fight against its enemies (the kingdom has been at war with its neighbors for over a century), but a wasteland created by an ancient grisha cuts the land in two, separating most of the country from the sea, slowly strangling it.  The wasteland is pitch black and filled with winged creatures that prey on anyone who enters it.  While regular forays are made back and forth across the wasteland for the purposes of trade, it is a costly endeavor that often comes at a great price in loss of life by the military, if the trips are even successful.  And they're not successful enough to keep the kingdom from slowly choking.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Worth Repeating: Sarah-Jayne Blakemore

The mysterious workings of the adolescent brain -- Why do teenagers seem so much more impulsive, so much less self-aware than grown-ups? Cognitive neuroscientist Sarah-Jayne Blakemore compares the prefrontal cortex in adolescents to that of adults, to show us how typically “teenage” behavior is caused by the growing and developing brain. More at

Friday, February 15, 2013

Idea: Business Model

Here's a business model.  I've been trying to figure it out in my head for some time because I wanted to offer it to Lori, but she's not interested in it.  So, I'm posting it here in case anyone else wants it.  Right now, it's tailored to an on-demand food business (commission bakery, catering, etc.) but I think there are elements that could be adapted to other types of businesses.  I'll describe it from the terms as a commission bakery (that is, no storefront, all products made based on pre-orders, pre-paid whenever possible) because that's the lens I've been thinking about it in.

The model was designed to:

  • Control growth / scale on your terms
  • Produce repeat business
  • Create strong brand advocates who will brag about you to all their friends
  • Allow for on-the-job improvements to the product with a less-demanding audience
  • Create strong demand through exclusivity
  • Control costs and initial investment
  • Allow flexibility / part-time / time-off
  • Eliminate advertising costs


First, you need a good, personal name.  While you might eventually consider franchising or scaling out the endeavor, this name needs to be very personal, maybe even your name.  Your business is going to be the relationship with the customer so that personal connection is vital.

Next, a value proposition.  While other keys will come into play, this is one of the more tangible hooks for future customers.  This might be the use of all-natural products or the lack of dyes or gluten-free or lactose-free or something.

Finally, a very simple website.  It should be either black with silver/gold typography/iconography (to denote richness and exclusivity) or white with a soft color palette and a muted closeup of the product to denote the attention to detail and the quality craftsmanship.  The website is not for directly selling.  There's no contact information (beyond the general geographic area you cover).  This tells your story and reinforces the exclusivity of your product.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

120: Time

The clock on the wall said 3 o'clock.  Last call for alcohol.  The night air was chilled with a slight breeze along which the smell of last call wafted. It was dark but for a small bit of moonlight filtered down through the fog between the taller buildings a few blocks over.  The streetlight overhead wasn't lit and few cars passed along on the street. There was raucous laughter as a party of three spilled out onto the street, only staying upright because of how tightly they were clinging to one another.  Wobbling down the street I hoped there was a bus or a cab in their future but they turned the corner before too long.  I pulled my coat tighter around me and tried to breathe without sucking in the cold air or the stench of the street - a mixture of dashed hopes, going home alone and desperation of various kinds.  Two police offers walked my way, but I set my face into a hard, stony look and nodded as if I knew I belonged here.  They looked carefully but proceeded on.  In the morning, they wouldn't remember me, I blended in.  If they remembered anyone at all, it would be a bouncer or private security, not that there would be need for the police to even consider this evening or this street.  Before too long, a shaft of light crept from the stoop onto the sidewalk and he stumbled out, a fat balding man in a cheap gray suit.  I stepped away from the lamppost and intercepted him just as he began to fall.  "Woah, buddy, you alright?"  I asked, softening my face into a compassionate smile.  "Thankrssshhh" he drawled, grabbing for my arm.   The non-descript blue or brown van pulled quickly to the curb, the door opened and I used his momentum to push him right in. Just as quickly the door closed and the van pulled quietly but quickly and I walked off trying to remember which side-street my motorcycle was parked on.

120s are my creative writing exercises.  Sometimes they are literally all I can fit into 120 seconds, other times I may spend longer on them.  I don't do these nearly frequently enough.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013


(click to enlarge)
Hey Expedia - Needs More Acronyms.  Starts off well, but the acronyms really fall off after that.

Monday, February 11, 2013


It's been a few months since I worked on my identity series.

I've covered the roles and values, high time I moved onto the passions - the things I love about my life.

I love my family.

Multiple people want to talk to me and Sesame Street videos are playing which isn't conducive to writing.  I'm going to try to stay out here, though, and be a part of the family because it's pretty cool - Rachel's working on mazes (I'm going to need to make some that are as difficult to work backwards as forwards as she's convinced it's easier to do mazes backwards and that it's not cheating), Lori's emptying the dishwasher and thinking about dinner and Ben's sitting on a chair murmuring along to Cookie Monster singing "Share it Maybe."   The curtains are still open and it's starting to get dark so we have a number of lights on.  I know if I were outside passing the house I know it would have that warm yellow/orange glow that I love seeing in homes when I'm running, walking or driving in the evenings.

Currently, my family is my wife, two children and a cat.

Extending out further, locally, mom and dad and mother-in-law.

Widening further, my brother and his wife and their three children, my grandma and my wife's brothers and their families.

And then of course, there are some close family friends, some of whom are in our small group, others at church and some we only see anymore on Facebook.

And then there is people at work whom I've grown rather close with.

I'm surrounded by a lot of family.

I'm not sure what else to write on the subject.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

If only...

So I went and checked my AdSense the other day.  The only way AdSense could allow me to live the life I always dreamed is if everything I needed cost less than 23 cents a month.  Yes, in 7 years I've amassed $43.  When it hits $100 they'll send me a check.

I'm scared that mocking AdSense is a violation of their terms of service.

Saturday, February 09, 2013

Worth Repeating: Leslie T. Chang

The voices of China's workers -- In the ongoing debate about globalization, what's been missing is the voices of workers -- the millions of people who migrate to factories in China and other emerging countries to make goods sold all over the world. Reporter Leslie T. Chang sought out women who work in one of China's booming megacities, and tells their stories. More on

Friday, February 08, 2013

Really, Amazon?

Why on earth would "Regulatory Cost Recovery Fee" even be a choice as something to include or not include in Amazon recommendations?

Thursday, February 07, 2013

Problem of Scale

New! Kellogg's Cinnamon Roll Frosted Mini-Wheats Little Bites.

Title is too long, the product's name contains a relative-size adjective that then has to be contradicted.  Not to be confused with "Big Bites" or "Little Bites."  There's so many varieties of Mini-Wheats, it's crazy...

Wednesday, February 06, 2013


So there are people who believe that our government is full of secrets... Like aliens and what really happened on 9/11 or the faked moon landing.

However, we discount them as crackpots and crazy. However, if you think about it, if they really believed that our government was capable of such feats of secrecy, then they are placing far more faith in the abilities of our government than are truly logical.

Therefore, I have a new theory - the conspiracy theorists are funded by the government to make such truths seem implausible. Would be just like our government to tell us exactly what they're doing, knowing we wouldn't believe them.

Gotta go, someone's at door.

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Oh... SC = ScoreCenter

The SportCenter app logo hasn't always been this off-putting, has it?

Go Bruins.

Monday, February 04, 2013

How To: Save Best Buy (@BestBuy)

Before Christmas, my boss' boss suggested that by now, Best Buy would be announcing massive closures.   By most accounts, between the economy, showrooming and changing consumer tastes, Best Buy faces a daunting future.  There was also the expansion into - and quick retreat out of - the international space and the rumors that a recent leader was considering buying the company and taking it private.  And on top of that, the revelations that the company had been operating a shadow website in its store that showed higher prices on than if you were to visit from outside the store.  Oh, and a scandal involving a recent CEO.

Since I'm in the process of reading "Start with Why," it seems easy to suggest that Best Buy lost its why.  Originally founded as a music store, eventually expending into electronic and musical instruments and lately toying with electric motorbikes, it may be time for its next bold move.  Here are five themes to consider.

Help People with the Paradox of Choice

Offering so many different choices, Best Buy actually drove people to the internet for research. Mobile allowed them to do it while they were in the stores.  It was only a matter of time before it was only logical to move from researching to buying online.

Reduce the number of choices in order to help customers more quickly find what they need.  It will help employees to be more informed about the products being sold.

Embrace the internet.  If people are going to showroom and then buy online, might as well make sure they buy on  Promote in-store pickup as well as same-day delivery using the Geek Squad and some of the space freed up by reducing the number of distinct items sold in-store.  Install kiosks all over the store to offer an expanded product line and to allow customers to do more research.

Sunday, February 03, 2013

What God Says

Someone said something interesting the other day about how God is more likely to call on us to work on His behalf then He is to act directly.  It wasn't a new thought, but when I heard it, I quickly jotted down:

"Hey, yo, I'm gonna do this."
"Hey, you, you're gonna do this."
Now, yes, I know in most cases, God asks (and expects), but does not command, but I thought it was interesting to think about and how similar those two phrases are.

I have long prayed, both at work and at home, that I would have the wisdom to hear God's calling and the courage to act.  I'm grateful to be called and I've seen some amazing things when I've responded.

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Worth Repeating: Ken Goldberg

4 lessons from robots about being human -- The more that robots ingrain themselves into our everyday lives, the more we're forced to examine ourselves as people. At TEDxBerkeley, Ken Goldberg shares four very human lessons that he's learned from working with robots. More at

Friday, February 01, 2013


lala lala la me
lala lala la me
lala lala la meee-eeeee
lala lala la me

no apologies to Patty and Mildred and the Warner/Chappell. Pfffft!