Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Here's a story... of a lovely trash can

Actually, I don't like our new trash can.  But, after being without one for a week, I'll take it.

The incompetant morons of Waste Management (wait... is that redundant to say Waste Management is stupid and clueless?)  Anyhow, so I was saying... The insufferable nazis of Waste Management delivered us a new garbage can today.  It's ugly.  The body is gray with white speckles.  It's like it's gone upscale.  But the lid is green.  Like when you have to get a new hood for your blue car and the only one you can find is red and you can't afford spray paint.

It all started a few months ago... got a letter in the mail saying our credit card was expired.   I called in and they said that the expiration date was 2006.  Odd, since they had been taking money from it every three months without fail since early 2006.   Then the lady says "Oh.  Well, we just upgraded our payment system.  Maybe it carried over an old credit card number."

I didn't have the credit card with me, so I asked me wife to call in and give them the number over again.  So she did and then confirmed with the woman that we were now all set.  "Yes" was the answer.

Well, apparently not.  Early August.  Another letter.  This time, a lot more doom and gloom.  We're going to cut off your service.  We're going to throw rocks through your windows and drop a garbage truck on your house from a helicopter.  And then we're going to light it on fire.  You know the type of letter.  (Or, actually, you my dear readers, are probably the kind who pay their bills on time and don't have problems like this.)

Lori calls again.  Yes, the new credit card is on file.  Did we want to use it to pay the outstanding balance?  Uh.  D-freaking-uh.  So now we were good, right?  "Yes" was the answer again.

Well, apparently not.  Last Tuesday I get home from work.  I notice no can out front and make a mental note to thank Lori for bringing the can in.  Only it's not in the garage.  It's not next to the house on either side.  It's not in the backyard.  So I ask Lori and she says that it was there when she got home from the grocery store.

Weird.  Did someone steal our garbage can?  There were plenty of others still on the street, so that didn't seem likely.   How do you call up and say "Someone stole my garbage can?"  I called in the next morning and a nice woman looks up my account and says that the account was closed at the end of July for non-payment.  But, she says that we are current on our payments.  And that they called on August 2.  (She tells me this just moments after finding out that they had an old number on file.)  So, they may have called, but they didn't talk to us.  I think there ought to be a distinction there.

So, all week without a trash can.  No place to put bags of dirty diapers or cat litter.  No place to put smelly kitchen stuff.  Except in a big pile on the garage floor.  

So, now we have a can and it's brand new.  So I'm happy to fill it with all kinds of nasty.

But... this may not even be the end of the story.  On the last call, to get the service turned back on, she told me there might be a charge for delivering new cans.  (I should also note - they brought us a new greens can.  And since the last owners never turned theirs in, we now have three.  I'm trying to figure out how to get a few more so I can build a wall or several inground individual soaking tubs or something.)   I expected that to be waived.  She was happy to put a note on my account and I was free to talk to whoever I wanted.  Yes, she said that.

So, thanks for the bumbling idiocy of Waste Management, I've just wasted a few precious moments of you who bothered to read all the way to the end.