In general, I'm not known for leaving. Often, I'll hang around until I'm called into an office and handed some cardboard boxes. Thinking about the types of things I've quit...
I don't know if it counts, but I stopped going to Boy Scouts at some point. The Eagle Badge required a level of commitment that I didn't have. I was more interested in slinging pizzas and making money.
I quit Lamb's Office Supply several times, rehired each time -- sometimes against my will, even.
I did quit a church council. I stuck with it a long time, though. Lori was also on the council and she quit, but I held on gritting my teeth for some time after that. Then, enough was enough. I planned to give my resignation at the end of an annual church meeting, but ended up handing my resignation letter to the chair partway through the meeting and then going outside and playing on the monkey bars for awhile. For some reason I think I didn't have a car there or something.
Lori and I would later quit the church altogether, but that was inevitable, it was now a 30 minute drive each way and the atmosphere hadn't improve. We would have just drifted away, but we felt we owed the pastor an explanation. He turned around and accused us of never contributing to the church. Laughable and we'll leave it at that.
We did ultimately leave the new church, but I also left my job at said church and we gave up our Southern California lifestyle and most importantly, palm trees. But I did give three months' notice and we were following God's leading.
Tonight I quit something else. Again, a church committee. I should have done it months ago, but I hung in there, thinking it would get better. It didn't and I finally realized tonight that if I didn't slink out like a little weasel that people would continue to assume that I had their back when I knew that wasn't even remotely possible. So, I fired off an email like a wus, but at least now there's no more assumptions.
I guess the lesson learned is that I'm not cut out for lay church leadership.
5 comments:
Stumbled across your blog...enjoy your ruminations.
I was in a similar place once; had to ask myself 'is God's purpose met more by me quitting? Or is God's purpose met more by me staying and serving, even if I don't seem to be getting anywhere?'
Shortly after that, someone reminded me that Isaiah was a voice calling out in the wilderness; Noah preached for 120 years and only saved his family; Jeremiah wept for a nation, preaching for years with no converts.
God doesn't call us to be effective. He calls us to be obedient.
I'm probably out of line here, but for what it's worth: it sounds to this observer like He keeps placing you in those positions, & you keep removing yourself from them.
Your passion for your career comes through in your writing; if you bring a fraction of that to a church counsel, then don't let the enemy rob your local church of the benefits your experience and dedication will provide, just because you get discouraged.
The Christian life is not a sprint, it's not even a marathon; it's full immersion service to the King.
Ever read a book by a monk named Brother Lawrence called "Practicing the Presence of God"? At it's core, this simple monk made a paradigm shift and dedicated everything, literally every _single_ activity to God as an act of worship.
Are you worshipping God by quitting? Or by staying? What message does that send your family?
Just a few thoughts from the edge of the internet...do with them what you will.
Blessings on you, brother.
Wow, a really interesting take. Thanks for the perspective. I will look into that book and no doubt re-read your comments a number of times over the weekend.
We were very obedient when we quit our jobs and moved to Washington not knowing where I'd work or what would happen. We believe that was proven over and over again in the way things fell together. Except when it came to finding a new church home.
Maybe it's my own small thinking, but it's hard to see how God could use me by putting me into a situation where I cannot do my best work, one that does not align with the talents and gifts He's given me. (Or perhaps this is my pride speaking.)
I didn't mean to imply that you had a disobedient spirit overall, after re-reading my own words, I saw that I sounded harsh. Forgive that, if you'd be so kind! Not my intent to chastise in any way.
I have a GREAT deal of respect for you moving your family on faith. That's a bridge God has not called me to cross, and should He ever, I hope to be as sensitive and obedient as you've shown yourself to be.
So please temper my first words - it's easy to be critical as I sit objectively looking over YOUR life choices!
On the contrary, I WOULD hope to challenge you, and to encourage you - from your account, you've been incredibly obedient in so many other ways!
Before he published "A Purpose Driven Life" Rick Warren published "A Purpose Driven Church"; and he made a statement in there that stuck out at me like a sore thumb, compared to the way that I lead my life. He said that he started praying differently - instead of "Lord, please bless this place", he started praying "Lord, please place me where you are blessing" - and in much the same way that you describe, God picked him up, moved him & his family to SoCal, and that's where Saddleback was born.
Not my intent or place to bring you down brother. Just reading an authentic Christian blog is incredibly refreshing - I would hope rather that I can encourage you to grow where God plants you, and let Him work it out!
Not every church is for everybody, I don't think anyone would try to make that case. But I would say that often, unless there is some fundamental doctrinal issue or moral failure, changing churches is swapping one set of headaches for another.
If God placed you there, and worked it out so that you are moved into a lay leadership position, then He has a reason. Remember: 'God is not the author of confusion' - Jesus' true "Lord's Prayer" (John 17) was all about unity, unity, unity among believers. IMHO, Satan is perhaps over-credited with some of the problems that we bring on ourselves; but I do firmly believe that he will do everything in his (significant) power to cause division in the body; in the home; and in our hearts.
From where I sit, you sound like a very thoughtful, deliberate, and well-grounded man. You didn't get that way overnight; most churches didn't get the way they are suddenly either! Change - lasting, meaningful, fulfilling change - takes time. A lot of it! And prayer, scripture study, all the spiritual disciplines. Stay encouraged my brother.
Prayin' God's blessings on you, your family, and your ministry!
At the end of the most recent episode of Survivor, a Christian player was voted out for some pretty dumb moves.
While the show did go out of its way to show some of the other players on her tribe to be negative or derogatory to/about her because of her beliefs, in the end, I agreed with their decision and there were plenty of strategic reasons to vote her off.
However, what bugged me was her closing speech when she said that God must have thought she'd been there long enough. Sometimes it seems like people ascribe everything that happens to them to be God's will, to the point of forsaking free will.
One more thing that comes to mind when I think about these committees/councils that I've quit... I've been the one who stepped up to join in the first place, if my memory serves. Don't know if that changes the equation any for you. Not to suggest that God couldn't plant the seed in my head, but to me, it seems less of a "calling" than if someone else, especially someone already in church leadership, asks. Not to discount God's ability to speak to me or try to guide my path, but if I have free will, I could have chosen poorly in stepping up in this type of a leadership role, couldn't I?
I think the thing that makes me more comfortable with the decisions is that while I've felt bad at making the decision to quit, I haven't continued to feel guilty or remorse. I've felt good, like I've made the right decision.
I can't point to any good examples where I've been put in the same situation over and over again, except for these, and I do totally understand your point about sometimes God patiently putting people back into situations until they finally figure out what He wants them to figure out.
Which is interesting, too, because God knows ahead of time if something's not going to work out and either that's part of His plan for it not to work out, or it's irrelevant to His overall plan. (That's the only way I can reconcile His omniscience with my freewill, that somethings that happen down here on earth are of no consequence, good or bad.)
Two things made me think today... in Sunday school, we talked about the proverb of the talents. I thought about my own talents and how I end up on the Spiritual Gifts surveys... (leadership, administration, service/helps) ... and how often there's no place in the church for those. There was in my last church of 5,000. I was able to parlay them into a job, except that the leadership component was a lie. I was continually led to believe that I had the ability to effect change and then repeatedly slapped down for it. My boss' boss gave me "Good to Great" - he had had all the pastors read it and they didn't get it. I got it, and it immediately depressed me and probably led to my departure sooner versus later. And now in this tiny church we attend, there isn't much call for any, so the best I can do is help with the website which is mostly service with the tiniest bit of administration thrown in. It's not my place to suggest I could help lead. My role on the committee would have done nothing to prove my ability to lead or further anything, it was simply a bad fit for my talents. At the end, they asked if we were using our talents and what would happen if Jesus were to return today. I guess He'd see me editing the website, but that was about it.
And then in the service, the guest pastor spoke of a time when he was six years old and he accidentally burnt down his uncle's house playing with matches. Thirty-two years later he finally was able to ask the uncle for forgiveness, only to find out that after the house (an ancient, drafty, unpleasant farmhouse) burned, the insurance paid for the construction of a brand new house and the uncle had been really happy with how things had turned out. It was just an interesting thing to think about, that we don't always know the outcome, even of places where we think we've let someone down, failed someone, or fallen short of some goal.
I also realized that some of my "high" at the other church was really unrelated to that church and instead to a period of time in my life that would manifest itself while I was in church. So that some of what I was faulting my current church for wasn't its fault.
But then later in the day I came to the biggest realization of all... no matter what I think of this church, if I stick with it, in 10-15 years, my daughter will still be surrounded by the same friends she is now, and that will be key. And for that reason, I must suck it up and be grateful that I have a work environment that includes daily devotions and a weekly chapel service. And that I must start listening to the Saddleback podcasts again during the drive in. I got out of the habit recently and need to get back into it.
And one final thought... was I was thinking about the talents and my particular strengths, I thought about the opportunities -- or lack of them in my church -- for those gifts and I wondered if maybe the church has enough of those types, who have been there longer.
No, one more thought, a mini-rant, and then I really must go rejoin my family. My last church was non-denominational. Oddly, my research suggested that it most closely resembled the denomination I now find myself attending, a denomination I had never experienced before. I don't like denominations. I don't know what it was like growing up, but it always seemed like we were a self-deprecating lot, that the jokes were at our own expense (though I'm finding "frozen chosen" and "potluck" jokes abound everywhere, apparently) but I don't remember that denomination being so smug and vain. The church I'm at currently seems to be so proud of being a particular denomination and that their denomination is superior to all others and it's so irritating and just turns me off. Can't imagine what someone who isn't that familiar with church in general would think.
Wow, a really interesting take. Thanks for the perspective. I will look into that book and no doubt re-read your comments a number of times over the weekend.
We were very obedient when we quit our jobs and moved to Washington not knowing where I'd work or what would happen. We believe that was proven over and over again in the way things fell together. Except when it came to finding a new church home.
Maybe it's my own small thinking, but it's hard to see how God could use me by putting me into a situation where I cannot do my best work, one that does not align with the talents and gifts He's given me. (Or perhaps this is my pride speaking.)
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