What Not to Say: Traffic Stop

I imagine that if you were pulled over for speeding and the officer asked "Where's the fire?" it would probably not be a good idea to say

1. In my pants!
2. Do I look like a freakin' firefighter?
3. In the bushes about a mile back.
4. Woah! Nice mustache! If I were a firefighter, all we'd need to find was a construction worker and an indian.

Ok, some decent, some not so good. What might you wish you could say? Post a comment.