Tuesday, May 20, 2008
120 Seconds: Bad Mood
I'm feeling kinda cranky at the moment. I'm listening to Depeche Mode. It's not making me cranky, in fact, I'm finding it soothing. I just finished vacuuming most of the house. That should have put me in a better mood, but at the moment, it has failed to do so. I'm finding it too loud in the house and I really wish my mother-in-law wasn't here. She's in the way and it's to the point where even the sound of her voice grates on my nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard. I don't know when or if she'll ever leave before I die, but it will not be too soon. I know she's a help to Lori, but I really wish she'd stay out of sight when I was around. Only 10 seconds left. But I don't feel like being done. beep. Ok, guess I'll type some more. One of the things that utterly frustrates me is that she ends up getting far too much play on here which just further angers me because it points to how much of my waking time is spent wishing she weren't here. And so I just sit here shaking my head unable to even come up with words to describe my anger. It's almost like I'm shaking. It's like what my new son does when he tries to suck on someone's finger and realizes that he's not going to get fed, he just shakes his head back and forth very quickly as if to say "NoNoNoNoNo" Yeah, we had a son. I don't even know if I posted about it on the other blog yet. How sad is that? I do know I posted about the photos being available, but I don't think I've posted much about him besides that. He is very mellow and he eats a lot. He actually let us sleep all through the night last night. Lori should have woken him up after four hours and gotten him to eat, but she was so tired that didn't happen. She figures it's the first full night's sleep she's gotten in months. Literally. I've only seen my son for a few seconds tonight. He's either been eating or sleeping on Lori or in my mother-in-law's arms. She needs to go. Lori's promised to talk to her in six days if there's no obvious signs that she's preparing to move on. Lori talked to her last time and they said "end of April" but it came and went and Lori's mom seems to have completely forgotten about it. This time, Lori's promised to issue a declaration of a specific date, a finite point in time I can count down towards.