Tuesday, November 29, 2005

California Dreamin'

I've come to realize that what I idealize about California is really not the California I live in.
Well I won't back down
No I won't back down
You could stand me up at the gates of Hell
But I won't back down
No I'll stand my ground
Won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down
Gonna stand my ground
And I won't back down.
It's really a disappointment to me that I did let this world drag me down and now I am backing down. I'm about 40 miles too far inland, and saddled with a job that takes all my time and a commute that sometimes makes me want to kill people.

It probably did me no good that my first two trips to California were vacations... first to Disneyland in 8th. grade and then a drive down my senior year for spring break to hang out at my college roommate's parent's house, trips to Disneyland and lots of hanging out. To be sure, it was further from the beach, but I didn't shave all week. I just relaxed. This was where the goatee was born.

So I might still maintain that I'm a Southern Californian accidentally born in Washington State, but I am not a Monrovian, an Arcadian, heaven forbid a Glendorian or worse yet, Pasadean. (Granted, by birth, Rachel is a Pasadean by birth, but she and Huntington Memorial Hospital are two bright spots in an otherwise unpleasant city.)

I am a Santa Monican, a Venetian, Los Angeleno (but only the nice parts). With a much better job, I'd be a Beverly Hillite.

But those are not to be, I'm afraid. And so in this place where people have taken a desert and made their dreams, I have fallen short, chosen poorly and am forced to re-examine everything.

However, this is not a time to pity. This is a time to explore the possibilities that change can bring.

(Hey Google... stop listing me as spam. I bought a single share of your stock today. At $412 + $10.99 transfer fee, it was all I could afford. Thanks for then dropping $6.)
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