I've always thought it was my purpose in life to effect change.
When The Matrix came out, I totally got the whole thing about most people accepting the world as it was presented to them. I wouldn't say I'm Neo, but I always felt like we didn't know everything that was going on.
From my belief in God, unseen, to my belief in some government conspiracies, to how each one of us gets up each day and puts on an act, I've always felt like I wasn't seeing the world exactly as it was, but some version that had been created and prepared for me.
But I'm wondering lately if it really isn't my purpose in life. Sometimes lately, I've started feeling like my purpose in life is to sit down and shut up. I could continue to see what was messed up, continue to know the best answer for solving it, but that it was not my place to try to fix it, that I should just accept the mediocre, the broken and the less-than-optimal, just as the rest of the world accepts it, often blindly missing the fact that things could be better.
It's very unsatisfying.
22 comments:
"To be good is no trouble; but to show others to be good is nobler and no trouble." - Mark Twain
or put another way
"One man can make a difference, Michael." - the old guy from Knight Rider
I've decided the past week or so was a bit of a cock-up, as the British might say. But you can't let a little rough patch discourage you. My Russian friends taught me the expression, "Tomorrow will be better than today." They told me Russians use this expression all the time. Then they told me the truth about the expression... nobody believes it, but in saying it they feel a sense of hope. I've been saying it a lot lately, if for no other reason than sooner or later it's bound to be true.
As for your new theory that you were meant to "sit down and shut up," exactly how long do you suppose you could do that? If you made it a week I'd be stunned (we all know I couldn't last 10 minutes).
Keep the faith.
Keep the faith.
That's the quote I like.
Yeah, I'm not exactly so much discouraged and unencouraged by people's utter appreciation for my ability to improve the world.
I have a lot of good ideas and if people want to admit to being miserable, then that should be a sign that they want my help in changing their world. If not, then why I am being informed? I didn't subscribe to their life's newsletter.
Lori had a related comment tonight. "Idiots should be ready to take the heat for being idiots. Otherwise, they should stop being idiots."
She honked at a car that didn't pull into the intersection on green for a left turn. Sure, there was gridlock, but you have do to your part by getting out there. Instead the other driver made flapping motions with her hands. Seriously, if she was to lift that Explorer with those pansy flapping motions, I'd be surprised. I, on the other hand, took her gesture to be an apology for being so "flighty" and not paying attention.
So, basically, if anyone out there wants to be stupid, do so quietly. I'll look for someone else to help.
Perhaps if people didn't occur for you as "stupid" you wouldn't have the need to fix them, but would appreciate what is good about them. Sound harsh? People can't be fixed. People aren't broken.
I don't think your sitting down and shutting up is an answer. I think what is happening for you is that life wants you to take on something new, that you haven't before. I know how much you love life, and the life that you have created. But if something is so confronting to you that you're considering being apathetic, then now is the time to really take a look at why.
You mentioned the Matrix. (I could see you as Neo). When Neo is offered a choice, the red or the blue pill, I didn't see it as a choice to see the world differently, or better or worse. It occured for me that he had to choose his life for what it really is. Not something different, not something that isn't so, not the acts (you mentioned this, too) that people create to get themselves through life, but his life itself. Choosing who he really is. BTW, what's your act? That gets you through life?
I know what mine is. I don't mind sharing it with you sometime, if you're interested.
Maybe who you really are, isn't totally apparent to yourself. Maybe there's another part of you, wanting to be self-expressed. Politics? Start a non-profit? It's obvious you have leadership skills that could be a boon to any organization that you felt strongly about. In fact, what is it that really bugs you? For me, I can't stand the illiteracy rate in the states, so I volunteer to teach adults to read. What just makes you mad? What would you do, if you could?
Something to consider.
> People aren't broken.
Beg to differ.
Wow, that was deep. And long. I have to agree with Kevin. As the anti-war activist that you are, I'd think you'd be the first to admit that people are fundamentally flawed, broken, not living the lives they should be.
Taking it to a religious/psychological level, if people weren't broken, if they were living garden-of-eden-like, in community and harmony with one another, there wouldn't be any wars.
But as long as we have a choice, people will choose to be stupid. Amd trust me, I see many classic examples every day. And then I get to work and see a bunch more. And then the commute home just amazes me. How so many people make it home safely each day is just astonishing. (Or even that some of these people made it out the door that morning without getting lost on the way to the kitchen.)
My particular leaning towards apathy these days is work. One of my colleagues who's upset with our boss because our boss illogically got upset with him for being negative during a recent project and using that frustration as an opportunity to lash out about other things he's been frustrated with concerning my colleague.
Sadly, there are two problems... (1) I was much more negative during the project and advocated not doing it entirely and (2) my colleague works hard, is not appreciated and any problems with his work stem from my boss' inability to properly lead and manage.
But if my colleague is going to come to me and dump this stuff, he (he!) should expect that I'm going to offer solutions. That's what I do. As a guy and even moreso, how I've been wired. I'm an INTJ. It's what I do. I am an It's no secret. But if he wants to disregard or dismiss my suggestions and then continue to mope, he shouldn't have come to me in the first place.
Basically, I could do my boss' job better. Both of my boss'. I could also do their boss' job better. I could affect serious positive change for the division and cost savings at the same time. I could also bring about some efficiencies, generate some new revenue streams, increase security and provide better customer service.
But I'm not really given the opportunity. And when I feel like I'm empowered to offer suggestions, it was to placate me or shut me up. I'm not taken seriously, or there was no plan in the first place to actually act upon or even consider my suggestions.
So there's my apathy. I can continue to competently do my job while letting the rest of the continue to be wasteful, make bad decisions and miss the obvious.
Why don't I quit? Because I'm kicking ass. I derive great joy in my work and I've been looking forward to getting to work since I left work yesterday. That's not to say I wasn't enjoying time with my family, but I was in the middle of something when I left yesterday, came up with some new good ideas at home and I cannot wait to jump back in.
What's my act? We all know my act. Sadly, I attempt to be cool. Also, lately, I've tried to be more positive. I come much close to pulling off cool.
oops, typo and no way to edit comments. d'oh.
Don't get me started on underqualified people in positions of power (or at least management).
I opted for restraint in my earlier post. I mean, when was the last time my reply was less than 100 words, let alone three?
Anyway, I have to believe in mankind's capacity to change. What frustrates me is seeing so many people choosing to act like idiots... yet they make it work for them. They could change, but it takes less effort to be stupid and it often yields greater rewards.
I was talking with a friend tonight about a similar topic. I was lamenting that there are so many idiots out there who are happier than me. I'm not smart, but I'm no idiot, and here these idiots are smiling and enjoying life. Meanwhile, I'm plodding along, living from day to day, constantly wondering what's going to go wrong next.
It was then that we talked about my envy of those who learned how to whistle, only this time I altered a long held belief of mine. I've never been able to whistle, and it's always been my belief that if I knew how to whistle I'd be a happier individual. But tonight I realized nearly the reverse to be the case. I now believe I could whistle, but I've just never had an occassion to do so. I've simply never been happy enough.
On that cheery note, I'm off to bed. One more day of work, then I have Friday off. I plan on an endurance bike ride either up or down PCH... haven't chosen a direction yet.
Did I ever tell you (James and Kevin) that I am a life coach? Probably not. One of the things that makes me a great coach is that I'm so coachable. I'm so open to what others have to say about me; things I know I don't see about myself because I can be too much in my head about things that upset me or my expectations in life not being met, etc. Basically, when my humanity gets too much in the way of me making a difference in the world, is when it is time for someone to tell me like it is. And it just sucks to hear the truth about who I am being in life, and to know only I am responsible for how I feel.
I'm sure you can only GUESS at why I am prefacing my comment this way...
I want share with you what it is like for me to read your comments. However, I'm at work right now, and I need to finish this later this evening.
More to come.
WG - What's a life coach?
Kevin - I couldn't agree more. This guy was tooling along in the carpool lane this morning. He didn't keep up with traffic and he didn't even have anyone with him in the car and obviously not driving Diamond-OK car. What's wose, he didn't even have anyone with him in the car.
And yesterday I almost plowed into someone who at the last minute decided they didn't want to wait in the non-carpool lane entrance like they were supposed to and darted out in front of me to take the carpool entrance. They too, natch, did not have anyone else in the car with them.
Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be like them. No sense of ethics, no sense of morals, or no sense of the world around them. I would normally use the word "clueless" but it applies to so many people that it's lost all meaning.
Perhaps ignorance is bliss.
On the whistling thing... ultimately, whistling is overrated. Whistling doesn't do justice to Henley's "I Won't Go Quietly" or Linkin Park "Numb" so there you go.
But... have you tried stuffing your mouth full of crackers and then attempt to whistle? It might not help, but it's pretty amusing to try to watch someone whistle with a mouth full of crackers.
Life Coach: Something like a coach for sports only it's for your life. A life coach listens, inspires and kicks butt. Basically, it shifts a person out of the victim menatlity mode. A life coach will show the person being coached what they don't see about themselves in situations that seem to stop them.
Originally, I wanted to coach you, but I didn't see a lot of good coming from that, because one, it is over email, and 2, you didn't request that I do that.
However, I have some quotes by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer to shar with you.
For James:
"Releasing judgement of another is actually releasing judgement of yourself."
"The entire universe is an intelligence system."
"Our suffering is caused by the mind - by a mind that insists of having preferences and won't allow others to be just as they are."
For Kevin:
"I recommend being gentle with yourself and loving yourself unconditionally, regardless of what comes your way."
"Have in your mind that which would consitute a miracle for you. Get the vision. Suspend disbelief and skepticism."
"When we love ourselves, we refuse to allow others to manage our emotions from afar. Forgiveness is our means to that end."
For both of you:
"Traffic, in and of itself, can never irritate anybody. It just does what it does. Traffic doesn't care."
I care about you, both.
Best, World Girl
Thanks for not coaching me, I appreciate that. I would assume that's a guideline you have to abide by, right? That someone must seek coaching, that it cannot be imposed on someone?
Interesting, though a little too fluffy for me. I could see how people could find the coaching useful. It sounds like it's a structured method of aiding people who might need help but not at the level of a couch and weekly sessions that cost a lot of money.
The traffic comment is particularly interesting. I guess it's not so much the traffic that bugs me as the a major of the other drivers, who are certifiable buttheads.
The entire universe being an intelligence system is one I really don't get. If there is to be intelligence, there must be stupidity. (That is, you could not define "darkness" without seeing light.) So, intelligence must be relative. So there must be a contingent who possesses very little intelligence. I would like to posit that they live here in Southern California, either in the form of my dog or my fellow commuters.
And lastly, the whole judgement thing... I know, I know. I'm not supposed to point out others' sins while ignoring my own, I'm not supposed to judge, lest I be judged, and I really hate jury duty. But I'm very observant and very opinionated. I guess that comes across as judgemental. In some circumstances, especially social interactions and relationships, I've tried to temper that so as not to turn people off.
But I'd like to think that here on my blog, that's exactly the point. I can rant, judge, be opinionated, jump to bad conclusions and act like an idiot. I guess I rather enjoy it. While ultimately I don't want to look stupid, I may appear so, and I guess that's someone elses' right to judge me.
I write this with a smile on my face, because I'm having fun, so hopefully it doesn't come across as defensive. Today's a good day, I'm in a great mood and I've enjoyed this conversation.
Yes, there has to be a request for coaching. Sometimes it is tempting to coach without having been asked, but usually that can leave the person being coached feeling attacked, which is the complete opposite of what is supposed to happen. People have to be open to coaching, or take the coaching. It takes being open to what is being said to you.
Coaching is good for everyone, not just the neighbors or our relatives who irratate us, etc. When I need coaching, I ask for it, and it makes a huge difference. Don't take this the wrong way, but believe me, there's nothing fluffy about coaching. It isn't easy to request.
Too true, that this is your blog and your opportunity to rant, be opinionated, etc. And your being opinionated is one of the things I really like about you. :) So, to finish up, I've enjoyed this on-line dialogue, as well. It also should be noted how well we communicated, as we three can be so stubborn as to become deaf. Well done, us. :)
PS. People still aren't broken. :)
"I recommend being gentle with yourself and loving yourself unconditionally, regardless of what comes your way."
I had a great joke in reference to the phrase "loving yourself," but I'll refrain. I do believe, however, that unconditional anything involves blind acceptance in something and that's not what I'm about. Specifically, there are things about myself I don't like and am making efforts to change, and I see that as a more positive approach than simply accepting me as I am. I can be better. We can all be better. I don't hate myself, but I'm a long way from unconditional love.
"Have in your mind that which would consitute a miracle for you. Get the vision. Suspend disbelief and skepticism."
Again, to suspend disbelief and skepticism is akin to ignoring elements of reason/intelligence. I question everything and remain skeptical because in life it is better to know than not know. When in doubt, doubt.
"When we love ourselves, we refuse to allow others to manage our emotions from afar. Forgiveness is our means to that end."
A fair point, and I have struggled with the way I tend to allow the behavior and emotions of others to dictate my own. I'm better than I was, but I still have a ways to go.
"Traffic, in and of itself, can never irritate anybody. It just does what it does. Traffic doesn't care."
This debate involves not allowing one's self to get worked up over things one can't control. Bad drivers will always exist, and in a sense we should accept that. However, mankind is not guided by reason alone, and sometimes emotion dictates I dent the hood of the car driven by a motorist who nearly killed me.
"PS. People still aren't broken. :)"
We live in a time when women are beaten by their husbands but refuse to press charges, young men are killed in meaningless wars because they refuse to disobey an immoral order, and the Backstreet Boys have a new record coming out tomorrow. In summary, I still beg to differ.
Kevin,
I see differently than you. Humans are afraid, not broken. For me, those are separate ways of being. Personally, I think when someone takes the approach that humanity is broken it is a subtle form of resignation. It keeps one from taking action in the first place.
Loving unconditionally, whether for yourself or for anyone else, is a way of being not so easily achieved by adults. Since you are leery of it, I'm sure you'll be safe from being lured into such a horrible absolute. Perhaps your whole life, if you really dig your heels in. I mean, since you are promised tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that, it won't matter when you choose to love yourself. You can always do it later, when life is perfect.
The more reasonable and skeptical I am about anything limits the possibility of everything, and I do it all the time. It will be no different for you or anyone else. You can chalk it up to that you're just to darn intelligent to relinquish your skepticism for a tiny moment, but really, you're just afraid of looking stupid. People who aren't afraid to look stupid (take a risk, allow their imaginations to flow), take on lives of personal freedom the rest of us can only imagine.
Well, with that all said, I'm off to bed. Happy landing, all.
I'm a tubby, balding redhead with a lazy eye who wears Hawaiian shirts and travels the world by bike. If there's some way I could look more stupid, I'm keen to know what it is. Still, point(s) taken.
Good night out there in TV land. Remember to lock your doors and hide your children... M.J.'s on the prowl again.
You only need to hide your male children.
Ok, I'm a little puzzled. How does a human being afraid make them take the carpool lane all by themselves and then not keep up with traffic?
I know a lot of this goes back to traffic, but I spend enough time in it each day to realize that it's not just about someone being broken, or someone being afraid, we need to face the fact that some people are just assholes. And some people are frigging stupid, not a thought in their head, no consideration for anyone or anything around them, and in many cases, good evidence that they aren't even aware of the world around them.
Because I can observe this doesn't mean that I feel bad about myself or am unhappy with myself. I'm unhappy with them. I'm (yes, I've read Dave Barry) a better than average driver and that aint saying much.
Only occasionally am I a bad driver. I haven't gotten honked at merging into traffic in a long time and the last time I thought I would be reckless (55 in a 35, passing a slow moving car, crossing a double yellow line), I got smacked down for it. It was all I could do to not laugh out loud as the ticket was being written because never before have I seen justice so swiftly and accurately handed down. Ok, so he wrote me for 47 in a 35 and made no mention of the double yellow, but still, it was just so perfect. I wasn't afraid in that situation, I was doing my best to be a jackhole and I got tagged for it.
What frustrates me is how many people manage to make it through the day being completely clueless about the world around them.
I realize that much of this started over my discouragement regarding my co-workers who were being clueless although they are rather intelligent people. For some reason, it morphed from people being clueless and enjoying it to more about people being a waste of their own lifes.
I suppose that's seriously judgemental, but too many good people are getting beat down, under-appreciated, un-recognized and discarded by a cruel, uncaring world that seems to enjoy its own ignorance and depravity.
In other words, wah wah, life's not fair.
The being afraid part had more to do with Kevin's laundry list of why humanity is broken. People can be jerks and inconsiderate and all the rest of that. However, people often become jerks as a means of keeping themselves safe. If they act like a jerk, no one is going to get close, right? Saves them the trouble of feeling hurt or, yet again, looking stupid. And not seeing how stupid they do look, by being a jerk.
I think what you hit on, James, that is truly the case, is people don't know who they are. That is the conundrum here. How do humans loose sight of the good stuff so quickly? It really takes courage to be who we really are.
Kevin - I must admit you sound like a sight to be seen. But perhaps your perception of how you look isn't how others see you. I don't know if 'stupid' is how I would describe it. Eccentric, perhaps. :)
The being afraid part had more to do with Kevin's laundry list of why humanity is broken. People can be jerks and inconsiderate and all the rest of that. However, people often become jerks as a means of keeping themselves safe. If they act like a jerk, no one is going to get close, right? Saves them the trouble of feeling hurt or, yet again, looking stupid. And not seeing how stupid they do look, by being a jerk.
I think what you hit on, James, that is truly the case, is people don't know who they are. That is the conundrum here. How do humans loose sight of the good stuff so quickly? It really takes courage to be who we really are.
Kevin - I must admit you sound like a sight to be seen. But perhaps your perception of how you look isn't how others see you. I don't know if 'stupid' is how I would describe it. Eccentric, perhaps. :)
You only need to hide your male children.
Ok, I'm a little puzzled. How does a human being afraid make them take the carpool lane all by themselves and then not keep up with traffic?
I know a lot of this goes back to traffic, but I spend enough time in it each day to realize that it's not just about someone being broken, or someone being afraid, we need to face the fact that some people are just assholes. And some people are frigging stupid, not a thought in their head, no consideration for anyone or anything around them, and in many cases, good evidence that they aren't even aware of the world around them.
Because I can observe this doesn't mean that I feel bad about myself or am unhappy with myself. I'm unhappy with them. I'm (yes, I've read Dave Barry) a better than average driver and that aint saying much.
Only occasionally am I a bad driver. I haven't gotten honked at merging into traffic in a long time and the last time I thought I would be reckless (55 in a 35, passing a slow moving car, crossing a double yellow line), I got smacked down for it. It was all I could do to not laugh out loud as the ticket was being written because never before have I seen justice so swiftly and accurately handed down. Ok, so he wrote me for 47 in a 35 and made no mention of the double yellow, but still, it was just so perfect. I wasn't afraid in that situation, I was doing my best to be a jackhole and I got tagged for it.
What frustrates me is how many people manage to make it through the day being completely clueless about the world around them.
I realize that much of this started over my discouragement regarding my co-workers who were being clueless although they are rather intelligent people. For some reason, it morphed from people being clueless and enjoying it to more about people being a waste of their own lifes.
I suppose that's seriously judgemental, but too many good people are getting beat down, under-appreciated, un-recognized and discarded by a cruel, uncaring world that seems to enjoy its own ignorance and depravity.
In other words, wah wah, life's not fair.
Kevin,
I see differently than you. Humans are afraid, not broken. For me, those are separate ways of being. Personally, I think when someone takes the approach that humanity is broken it is a subtle form of resignation. It keeps one from taking action in the first place.
Loving unconditionally, whether for yourself or for anyone else, is a way of being not so easily achieved by adults. Since you are leery of it, I'm sure you'll be safe from being lured into such a horrible absolute. Perhaps your whole life, if you really dig your heels in. I mean, since you are promised tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that, it won't matter when you choose to love yourself. You can always do it later, when life is perfect.
The more reasonable and skeptical I am about anything limits the possibility of everything, and I do it all the time. It will be no different for you or anyone else. You can chalk it up to that you're just to darn intelligent to relinquish your skepticism for a tiny moment, but really, you're just afraid of looking stupid. People who aren't afraid to look stupid (take a risk, allow their imaginations to flow), take on lives of personal freedom the rest of us can only imagine.
Well, with that all said, I'm off to bed. Happy landing, all.
Don't get me started on underqualified people in positions of power (or at least management).
I opted for restraint in my earlier post. I mean, when was the last time my reply was less than 100 words, let alone three?
Anyway, I have to believe in mankind's capacity to change. What frustrates me is seeing so many people choosing to act like idiots... yet they make it work for them. They could change, but it takes less effort to be stupid and it often yields greater rewards.
I was talking with a friend tonight about a similar topic. I was lamenting that there are so many idiots out there who are happier than me. I'm not smart, but I'm no idiot, and here these idiots are smiling and enjoying life. Meanwhile, I'm plodding along, living from day to day, constantly wondering what's going to go wrong next.
It was then that we talked about my envy of those who learned how to whistle, only this time I altered a long held belief of mine. I've never been able to whistle, and it's always been my belief that if I knew how to whistle I'd be a happier individual. But tonight I realized nearly the reverse to be the case. I now believe I could whistle, but I've just never had an occassion to do so. I've simply never been happy enough.
On that cheery note, I'm off to bed. One more day of work, then I have Friday off. I plan on an endurance bike ride either up or down PCH... haven't chosen a direction yet.
Wow, that was deep. And long. I have to agree with Kevin. As the anti-war activist that you are, I'd think you'd be the first to admit that people are fundamentally flawed, broken, not living the lives they should be.
Taking it to a religious/psychological level, if people weren't broken, if they were living garden-of-eden-like, in community and harmony with one another, there wouldn't be any wars.
But as long as we have a choice, people will choose to be stupid. Amd trust me, I see many classic examples every day. And then I get to work and see a bunch more. And then the commute home just amazes me. How so many people make it home safely each day is just astonishing. (Or even that some of these people made it out the door that morning without getting lost on the way to the kitchen.)
My particular leaning towards apathy these days is work. One of my colleagues who's upset with our boss because our boss illogically got upset with him for being negative during a recent project and using that frustration as an opportunity to lash out about other things he's been frustrated with concerning my colleague.
Sadly, there are two problems... (1) I was much more negative during the project and advocated not doing it entirely and (2) my colleague works hard, is not appreciated and any problems with his work stem from my boss' inability to properly lead and manage.
But if my colleague is going to come to me and dump this stuff, he (he!) should expect that I'm going to offer solutions. That's what I do. As a guy and even moreso, how I've been wired. I'm an INTJ. It's what I do. I am an It's no secret. But if he wants to disregard or dismiss my suggestions and then continue to mope, he shouldn't have come to me in the first place.
Basically, I could do my boss' job better. Both of my boss'. I could also do their boss' job better. I could affect serious positive change for the division and cost savings at the same time. I could also bring about some efficiencies, generate some new revenue streams, increase security and provide better customer service.
But I'm not really given the opportunity. And when I feel like I'm empowered to offer suggestions, it was to placate me or shut me up. I'm not taken seriously, or there was no plan in the first place to actually act upon or even consider my suggestions.
So there's my apathy. I can continue to competently do my job while letting the rest of the continue to be wasteful, make bad decisions and miss the obvious.
Why don't I quit? Because I'm kicking ass. I derive great joy in my work and I've been looking forward to getting to work since I left work yesterday. That's not to say I wasn't enjoying time with my family, but I was in the middle of something when I left yesterday, came up with some new good ideas at home and I cannot wait to jump back in.
What's my act? We all know my act. Sadly, I attempt to be cool. Also, lately, I've tried to be more positive. I come much close to pulling off cool.
Post a Comment