I realized this morning that my struggle with my weight is not entirely my own fault. I can shift some of the blame to my parents.
I realized that growing up, we rarely had snacks, sweets or desserts. So when they were available to me, I consumed like there'd never be another cookie, never be another chocolate cake. Probably why I had that cookie eating contest with that kid during the church raising party. I lost; I stopped eating after 110 cookies. Amazing that I wasn't puking my guts out later that night. Must have been small cookies. And in retrospect, who over-estimated that much on cookies and left them in the room with the kids?
But so now, even to this day, I struggle... when I see sweets (of which there are often lots) here on campus, I must have some. There will never been sweets again.
I made a bit of a breakthrough last night... I had the option to have another brownie and I did not. I know that there will be more brownies when I get home tonight, so I didn't take any with me to work, either. And if the brownies all get eaten, I have the potential and the ability, should I so desire, to drive to the store, buy more brownies, mix up the contents, eat some raw brownie goop and then cook some more.
But I also have the power to be patient... there will be more brownies.
Small steps, right?
2 comments:
My ongoing battle with weight since I've been back in the states is rediculous. I dropped 50 pounds in Kazakhstan, not by starving and not really by eating healthy, now it's all back. I ate sugary garbage from the bakery (huge bags of chocolate covered marshmellows, for example), cooked homemade spaghetti, pizza and made mexican feasts of refried beans, many unidentifible cheeses, etc. I also had the odd Snickers bar or two, and lots of ice cream. In short, I'm sticking to my original hypothesis about all the preservatives loaded into American food. One day they're going to do a study and prove me right... I know it. I still don't drive. I walk and ride my bike everywhere. I'm on my feet at work eight hours a day. I do not drink 50 pounds of Guinness in a year. Gotta be them preservatives.
In related news, I'm going back to no caffeine again. Unlike the previous two times when I cut out Coke, this time I've felt the withdrawl symptoms. Sudden frequent headaches are not fun, but in the long run I think I'll be better off.
My ongoing battle with weight since I've been back in the states is rediculous. I dropped 50 pounds in Kazakhstan, not by starving and not really by eating healthy, now it's all back. I ate sugary garbage from the bakery (huge bags of chocolate covered marshmellows, for example), cooked homemade spaghetti, pizza and made mexican feasts of refried beans, many unidentifible cheeses, etc. I also had the odd Snickers bar or two, and lots of ice cream. In short, I'm sticking to my original hypothesis about all the preservatives loaded into American food. One day they're going to do a study and prove me right... I know it. I still don't drive. I walk and ride my bike everywhere. I'm on my feet at work eight hours a day. I do not drink 50 pounds of Guinness in a year. Gotta be them preservatives.
In related news, I'm going back to no caffeine again. Unlike the previous two times when I cut out Coke, this time I've felt the withdrawl symptoms. Sudden frequent headaches are not fun, but in the long run I think I'll be better off.
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