Bring on the Coronavirus

It's been too long since I've recorded notes. I've been busy, I've been discouraged and any notes might have gotten me flagged by the secret service or referred for therapy. Maybe today will be a little calmer. I stayed home sick from work today. I've struggled with sleep issues ever since we had children and a decade and a half later I've finally started getting treatment for it. It's hard to know if it's working. I think it is. We also bought a much firmer mattress a few days ago and I think that's helping as well. Except last night I stayed up too late reading, couldn't sleep, and then had to get up multiple times with our son. So I was exhausted this morning and knew if I went to work I'd be crabby, tired, not thinking clearly and the drive would be a struggle. So I stayed home sick.

And thought I had found some time to write. But even this has already been interrupted with a rather lengthy unplanned family-related task. And I hate being interrupted when I'm writing. It's one of the reasons I write less, because I realized interrupted writing isn't worth the anger it generates, so I try to save it for a time when the likelihood of interruption is near zero.  Today, I was wrong.

Yeah, so I've been really discouraged lately. While certainly not the worst in human history, we are at a really low point in our nation''s history. We are divided, full of hate, and evil is winning. I say evil is winning because the spirit in this country right now is one where people are only looking out for themselves, except when they can control others. And a large group of people have been convinced that things are going in their favor while in many ways, the protections are being eroded. 

And then there's this whole slow moving pandemic. I guess it's spreading less than the flu, but its ability to spread has a really low bar. I'm not sure how both of those are true. I think I sort of know. But, interestingly, it's also sparing children. Apparently the weird cocktail of germs and antibodies in kids is enough to arrest the virus for most of them.

I felt better today. I'm really tired, but staying home meant a slow day (I still participated in a conference call), working in the yard, cleaning up some email, getting some other stuff done off my to do list. The idea that it could all be for nothing if I end up getting sick and dying in the near future makes me want to just spray groundclear across everything and then throw the whole lot in the greens can, except that I know my son likes playing in the backyard and that our neighbors like how our front yard looks (though they probably wish I was faster on weed patrol).

I just keep circling back around to being tired. Tired, discouraged, defeated, ready for bed. A wish to sleep for a long, long time.