The Red Car

This toy car has lived in my dresser for decades, until last year when it disappeared. I feared that I had decided to give it away when we were purging for the move to the much smaller house.

So I was happy to find it again recently and put it back where it belongs.

But I also wanted to share it with all of you so that its meaning would be greater than just me because someday (a long time from now hopefully) I will die and then it will probably end up in a box destined for a charity reseller like Goodwill.

So, here's the story of the little red car.

Growing up, I had an Uncle named Jim. When he was a baby, they said he had a hole in his heart and that he was mentally retarded. I expect these days they'd have a more specific diagnosis, but I don't know what it would be. They said he probably would only live to the age of three.

Uncle Jim proved them all wrong. He lived in an assisted care facility, holding a job, going on trips to interesting places around the world planned by the facility, and enjoyed friendships with other residents.

Whenever we visited my mom's parents he would drop by to visit with us. He was one of the happiest people I knew, quick to smile, quick to laugh.

He gave me this car one year as a Christmas present. It didn't have any particular shared backstory, it was just a present he picked out for me and one that has just traveled with me ever since.

Uncle Jim died in 2004 at the age of 51.

And now you're part of the story. Thanks for reading.

Lori's Cupcakes (All-Natural Coloring)

Lori was recently(ish) commissioned to do cupcakes for a church event. Because of some of the research on dyes and their impact on some children (including observed behavioral changes in our daughter when she's had red dye #40), Lori's been only using natural colorings. Because this was a children's event, she saw it as the perfect opportunity to expand her available color palette of natural colors with the goal of also being tasty as frosting.  I think it was incredibly successful.  (See the Flickr collection.)

Here's what her research yielded:

• Pink: beet powder + strawberry purée
• Magenta: blackberry purée with powdered freeze-dried blueberries
• Purple: purple yam with natural cherry extract
• Green: fresh spinach with lime juice
• Orange: sweet potato with powdered freeze-dried oranges
• Yellow: mango in both powdered and reduced purée forms

We hope to someday turn her creative genius into a business.

Feed Sift (03/21/2014)

Five things from around the web I felt like sharing...

-1-

THE INCLUSIVE CHURCH -- 5 Strategies to Include Teens with Special Needs

-2-

FRESH ADDRESS -- Image Caching: What's New In Gmail - how Gmail's image caching will affect your email campaigns

-3-

DINNER LAB -- About Us - I would so want to do this if I had money, the ability to go out at the drop of a dime, oh, and lived in one of the host cities. (Would speak to my "serendipity" goal

-4-

LIFEHACKER -- This Infographic Reveals the Secrets of the Happiest Couples

-5-

ADDTHIS -- This Infographic Reveals the Secrets of the Happiest Couples

Guest Post: Iowa Stubbornness

From Lori's blog...

And I tell you what, he would not sit for anything. He didn't want crackers, he didn't want Bugles, and he didn't want to sit. Mostly he wanted to stare at his own reflection in the microwave and tell himself how awesome he looked, but then he wanted to just move around the room and do his own thing. 

Read the rest on Last Person Blogging...

Guest Post: One Year Ago (Life with #Autism)

Lori's post from last week:

One year ago today was the worst day of my life. It was the day that I walked in to Ben's bedroom to get him up for school and found him unconscious on the floor after vomiting during the seizure he was still experiencing. We didn't know at the time what was happening, but rushed him to the ER in town... Continue to Lori's Blog...

Guest Post: Watching Ben in P.E. (Life with #Autism)

LAST PERSON BLOGGING -- I had a chance to sit in on Ben's P.E. class on Monday. The physical therapist leads the Monday class and gives assistance and directed tasks for the children to follow. She had assessed Ben in September and he qualified for the PT assistance, and she invited me to come visit to see how they do things. I was surprised by the roller coaster of emotions that I felt while I was there. Read more on my wife's blog...

Guest Post: Letting Go of Dreams (Life with #Autism)

LAST PERSON BLOGGING -- When we found out that Ben had significant delays in nearly every area of development, we went through a grieving process. We had to let go of a lot of our expectations and hopes and dreams for him. We realized that life for and with him would probably not look like what we had thought it would. Growing up and making friends, playing with other boys at recess, having conversations and other things as basic as those are the things that I dream and hope for Ben now. Continue on to my wife's blog...

(this one's only for Lori)

We went on a cruise on Lake Washington during our anniversary trip. It was a nice cruise, but it was gray and overcast. Looking at my photos, the only pop of color was you. 

We are so grateful to have you in our life. We love you!

Happy Birthday!

- Me and the children

September 2013 Photos

Fourteen

It was wedding season and the boy was none too pleased of being the age where adults his parents knew were getting married and his parents were volunteering his services as the photogenic little boy he was. In fact the week before was actually the first time he'd been pressed into service -- he had allowed himself to be pressed in the little penguin suit, stood at the back of the church, and when the music swelled, the doors opened, everyone turned to look at him and vvvvvvp! he was out of there. That wedding was sans ring bearer. The pastor, hearing the story, recommended taking some old costume jewelry and sewing it to the ring pillow. The groom should just keep the ring with him, he said.

The groom arrived at the church in shorts and a t-shirt, his tux still wrapped in plastic. When the time came, he left to the bathroom to change. He had the wedding ring around his pinky because his bride's fingers were far more slender, almost lost in his prodigious digits when they'd intertwine their fingers as young couples in love are want to do. He changed, took his clothes out to the car and returned to the waiting room.  And then it hit him - he no longer had her ring. Ring issues would plague yet another wedding and this time the baby-faced little nephew of the bride would have no culpability. 

The parents, the mother of the bride, anyone and everyone fanned out, sifting through garbage cans in the men's room, looking at high and low through the church, all surreptitiously keeping the bride in the dark about the looming tragedy that might cast a pall on the day she'd undoubtedly been planning since she was five. It's often said that the groom is the last piece of the plan for the day and that's why the groom and groomsmen all dress alike - the groomsman fails and everyone just shifts one spot closer to the aisle.

Well, it was too late now - the quartet was winding down, the organist was flexing her fingers and the time was drawing near. A big gulp and then men walked out, the groom keeping the piece of advice that everyone and his brother and cousin and dad had all echoed to him: "Don't lock your knees." It was a time before YouTube so he wondered if that was really a big thing - men locking their knees and passing out. Darn it, he wasn't going to be one of those guys.

The ring bearer came down the aisle, embarrassed with all the attention, pillow covering his face, bumping into every single pew until his grandmother stepped out and guided him into the front row. Then the sweet little flower girl who, until moments earlier, had been a massive gray stormcloud who was wasn't going to get to participate. The storm had dissipated but we weren't out of the woods yet - why should she have to sit with grandma and her brother when her mom was up front in a pretty dress? Didn't she have a pretty dress?  As she approached, grandma stood and turned to guide her into the row and, with a defiant look, she navigated around grandma to join mommy on the stairs leading up to the platform. 

Things were a blur until they were finally standing together at the front of the church. She looked lovely and he hated to do it but he said quietly through clenched teeth. "I don't have the ring."  "What?" she murmered back thinking he was just picking a really dumb time to be funny. "I don't have the ring." She realized he wasn't joking. Thinking quickly, she improvised. If you watch the tape, you see only the slightest of shake of the flowers and then their hands join briefly. 

And that was when Lori handed me back her engagement ring so that I could slip that onto her finger at the appropriate point in the ceremony.

Happy Anniversary, my love.
Man, it's been quite a ride.
P.S. We really should get our photos scanned.

Endurance Test (Life with #Autism)

So Lori and Rachel left for errands and it was just me and Ben at the breakfast table. I thought about the day... if we stayed around here, I'd play with him and I'd also do a lot of chores. I thought "Why?" and realized that if I went somewhere with Ben I'd be focused on Ben.

But where? Wanted to see if I could still do some other stuff while spending my time on Ben. I looked to see if there were any stores around here that sold Autism-training related supplies. I thought I had heard of one, but I didn't find any.

Vacation, Day 7: Panda and the Pool

And so ended our vacation. Day 7 was pretty much back to normal - up early for first service and then home. Another spectacular sunny day, blue skies all around. Worked on stuff around the house and did some cleaning. Panda Express for lunch as a final hurrah. And now back to the dieting and strict financial controls of normal life. We talked at lunch about how the week went and Monday seemed to be the best day for all of us, followed by Friday and then Thursday, marred mostly by the Carl's Jr. experience. Wednesday didn't really count and Tuesday, which was supposed to be the day most directly planned for the children, especially Ben, turned out to be the low point of the week. (We can only hope for a renovated - but not remodeled - Children's Museum in Seattle since the one in Tacoma moved and opted for the open floor plan last year.)

Is Panda talking about our anniversary trip next month?

Vacation, Day 6: Menchies

We began to ease back into non-vacation life. We got up and hung out in the kitchen together for breakfast (that was cool, we don't do that enough under normal circumstances) and then Lori left for an engagement and I hung out with the children. Ben was way too hyper today and eventually I moved him to his room to play up there. Rachel alternated between cleaning her floor and playing on the computer. I used a timer that would lock the computer after 10 minutes and so she'd come back up and put away everything that I'd put in the hall. By the end of the day, her room was ready for vacuuming. While she was cleaning, I also read to Ben, but he couldn't even keep still for very long for that.

Vacation, Day 5: Lunchbox Laboratory and MOHAI

Day 5 was a spectacular day. Sun was beaming, blue skies all around. So we headed north to Seattle. Because of timing, we ran a few errands in town and then went up and started with lunch. Lunchbox Laboratories (lunchboxlaboratory.com) was on our to-do list, but we weren't sure if it would be during Vacation Week or next month's quick anniversary trip.

We drove up, found it, found a great parking spot and went in. The place has a fun look to it, neon test-tubes and burgers and the area between the bar and restaurant had a wall above the booths that was made of classic metal lunch boxes suspended on horizontal metal rods. They even had the yellow Snoopy lunchbox. I have the red one from when I was growing up and I've seen plenty of yellow ones on eBay, but never a red one. Anyhow, I digress.

One of the things that sold it for me was "Dork Balls" - fried balls of duck+pork. They were gone so quickly I wasn't even able to get a photo. Lori and I shared two great burgers - The Smoker (beef, havarti, bacon) and Truffle Love (beef, swiss, bacon, black truffle mayo) and Rachel had Grilled Cheese. Rachel had fries (shoestring, very crispy), I had sweet potato fries (so good) and Lori had tots. Rachel and Lori shared a Reese's Peanut Butter (substitute chocolate for vanilla) Shake and a I had a Crunched-Up Kit Kat shake. Both shakes were tasty.  I would like to go there again.

MOHAI was a late-add to our list of options for the week. Lori didn't know they had opened their new location in South Lake Union but when she found out, we penciled it in. It was a struggle to get to and from due to construction plus typical Seattle traffic, but parking was easy enough, a nice short walk through a park, and the museum. When you walk in, it feels open, possibly sparse. Along one wall are a number of Seattle icons, such as the Eddie Bauer stuffed cougar, the Rainier Beer and Ivar's Clam costumes from their ads and the Rainier beer's "R" from its old brewery. (You'll see a "T" there now as you drive north into Seattle for Tully's as a nod to Rainier.)  You also see the Lincoln Toe-Truck (a pink tow-truck shaped like a foot, used for years in parades and advertisements) and the Huskey helmet car, also from parades. And then a 1924 Truck from the Kenworth Truck Company.

Along two walls are a draped section that will be the Bezos Innovation display eventually. Right now if you peak around behind the curtain there's nothing there yet. Jeff Bezos could probably just kidnap famous people from around Seattle and just make them mill around in the space greeting people.

Vacation, Day 4: Foss Waterway Seaport

Day 4 was a rainy, overcast day. A perfect day to be inside. We headed south to the Tacoma Waterfront, to a new museum. Tacoma has a large port, but over time, it's moved to its new location. The older port areas along Ruston, Dock St. and Schuster Parkway have mostly given over to museums, parks and restaurants. There had been an old port building, over a mile long. Part of it burnt down and what was left was probably going to be torn down as well, until it was saved. They shaved off the front and replaced it with a wall of windows, removed the pier and flooring and replaced it with concrete and now it's a new museum. They also fortified the structure itself with new steel beams. The testament to steel, there aren't a lot of beams, so you are still left with this rich, wonderful, cavernous space with lots of intricate wood beams. To enter in, you can tell it's still a bit of a work-in-progress, but there's still plenty to see. You start with a history of the building itself which is really pretty cool. Then there's a section of models and ships in bottles. There's lots of salvaged boat signs and mechanical stuff, some of which I'd be hard-pressed to even explain. If you look out the windows, you have views of the water, the trains, the hillside and the freeways hung from it and all the buildings of downtown up on top of the hill.

There are boats to look at, a boat to play on, lots to read. There are some interactive displays and a children's area complete with areas for pushing around boats (container boats and boats full of cars) and loading onto trucks (a mini-port, if you will) and a section on building bridges using K'NEX. Rachel would have liked to have spent quite a bit more time there. There's also a section that contains a bunch of ancient and contemporary tools so you can compare - like a massive metallic lamp with red glass and a tiny little red beacon (to mount on the side of your vessel) or a giant company and a tiny GPS device. That was pretty neat.

There's a bit of information on the Foss family themselves, but it doesn't have the prominence it deserves and will probably ultimately receive. (Thea Foss started a business renting boats and she and her husband Arthur turned it into a much larger business that eventually was heavily into tugboats and whose design is the design used by most tugboats these days.)

Vacation, Day 3: (none)

Because Ben had been sick the day before, we didn't do anything on day 3. We stayed home and watched The Hobbit on DVD.

Vacation, Day 2: Olympia Hand's On Children's Museum

Day 2 did not go so well... so the Olympia Hand's On Children's Museum has been a favorite of mine. Shortly after we moved here, we took Rachel. And by "we" I mean Lori and I and two of my college pals. It was great - with a ratio of 4 adults to 1 child, we got a chance to play ourselves. Children's Museums always have such cool stuff but children don't always appreciate it. I've suggested that they need "Kid-Free Nights" where grownups can come in and play with stuff without children. So this was a repeat from last year's Vacation Week. But since last year, they've moved to a new location and I can no longer recommend it. Essentially everything that could be wrong, is.

Starting with the parking lot. Getting to the parking lot itself is counter-intuitive with the car entrance far from the museum. That would be good, if it made sense on how to get there. The parking lot is small with tiny spaces and all of the edges are 2-3 foot-tall and made of concrete. So, you're all but guaranteed door dings or that you'll open your door into a concrete wall. It makes no sense whatsoever. The parking lot of a Children's Museum should be forgiving - large parking spaces, gentle edges, enough spaces and a well-marked (and protected) walkway. And it's a pay lot. But with only one place to pay, you'll most likely have to backtrack quite a bit to your car. (I said it was small - it's narrow.)

The museum itself is not autism-friendly, putting form over function. A beautiful, wide-open space encourages children to run and scream and be loud. Don't get me wrong - it's gorgeous - beautiful soaring space with lots of wood, but it's all open, essentially each floor has minimal partitioning and multiple hallways, it's difficult containing a child to a specific area. And in one case, a giant corkscrew slide from the second floor down to the first. It says that you're not supposed to go until the person in front of you exits at the bottom, but you can't actually see the bottom. So the first time, a bunch of girls jumped in and then Ben jumped in right after them and then I had to race down the stairs to the bottom, avoiding children and parents on the stairs, to make sure I didn't lose sight of him. The second time, he stopped short of the bottom and another children crashed into him. The water table has been a favorite of his in the past, but this time all he wanted to do was dip his hand in and then lick his hand. I tried keeping him out, but he did it repeatedly. And with no walls around, no matter where he was, he could easily get back there, so he did. Repeatedly.

Vacation, Day 1: Remlinger Farms

The last few years to save money and make it easier on ourselves, we've done stuff that's within driving distance. We've found that Ben has the best time when there's some predictability. This week proved that Ben's ability to cope has greatly improved over last year and it was exciting to see how well he did.

Day 1 was RemlingerFarms (www.remlingerfarms.com) in Carnation. There was a fair bit of driving in both directions but Ben did really well. So well that we left because the park was closing, not because we had run out of steam. We had been there several years ago for the company picnic but just on the corporate picnic grounds, not on the fair/attraction side.  A few days before the planned trip we also heard from my sister-in-law that their family had just been there and she thought it would be a good fit for Ben.

Failing to Plan = Planning to Fail (Life with #Autism)

Went to Menchie's this evening. I was worried it was going to be a problem. And so it was.

Menchie's, if you don't know, is a frozen yogurt place. It's a small space. At the back, 8 self-service flavors in a curved wall. There are cups at the start and tiny sampling cups behind you. Then another wall that contains mix-ins - candy, nuts, toppings.  In the center is the island containing the cash registers. So the idea is that you sample some flavors, then get a large cup and dispense yogurt and then add toppings. (I like to put some yogurt, toppings, more yogurt, more toppings.)

This requires two hands. Not one hand and a hand holding the hand of a small child. Not one hand because the other arm is holding a small child.

So here's what typically happens: my wife and daughter will get their yogurt while I try to get mine. Invariably Ben will rebel and run or fight or have a mini-meltdown. I'll have to give up and just wait until they're done. So their yogurt begins melting. At the same time, a group of about 8 adults and children will come in and stand in front of the machines sampling everything and slowly getting their yogurt and then slowly paying.

I'll finally get mine after Lori comes and takes Ben. In the meantime, without supervision, Rachel will get too much yogurt. And then these things are sitting there unpaid for and I'm worried that the cashiers are starting to think they're trying to avoid paying.  And I'm seriously anxious and frustrated and so then that colors the whole rest of the visit where Ben, not wanting to be there, screams and yells and gets upset because we try to offer him a spoon of yogurt.

So if this is what happens every time, that means it's a problem or a challenge. And all good problems are just opportunities for designing a solution. And that's what's missing. Future trips can be successful.

So... now just need to engineer success.

Why did that take me so long to realize that I need to responsible for the future success? Oh well, at least now I know. So now I can fix it.

Next time - an enjoyable trip to Menchie's where I don't stress, get mad, get anxious, get frustrated and don't eat quickly. But instead one where we move like a well oiled machine, from insertion to execution to extraction to frozen yogurt awesomeness.

Once more into the breach. Seal Team? Lamb Team. Boo-ya.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there, but especially to Lori, who has the really tough job of putting up with all of us.  We love you and hereby proclaim "You rock."

The Three Troublemakers